Ugh. Today has been one.of.those.days. One of those days where you want to just crawl back into bed, pull the pillow over your head, and stay there for a month. But the "Mummy, Mummy, I need you," though muffled, is still loud and incessant enough to pull you out of your retreat.
Days like today I just wish we were one of those "normal" families. You know, feed the kids a bowl of cereal with blueberries for breakfast, munch on PB & J and apple slices for an impromptu lunch at the park, stop for an ice cream cone on the way home. Where my my insanely picky child who feels the need to whine and complain about everything just happily eats what's before him. Where my insanely limited child can sink her teeth into a variety of foods, carefree and happy. Where I can eat a bowl of spaghetti with CJ at a restaurant while someone babysits the kids (hey, this is fantasy, I might as well imagine us on a quiet, relaxing date!)
Bam. Here is my reality. Trying to wean a child from nursing so I don't feel the underlying guilt of the possibility of me making her sick from something I've eaten. Or worrying about weaning her and her health plummeting because she's no longer getting the nutrients available in my milk. Heating up pot after pot of broth and boiled meat. Always the same thing. Running out of meat and needing to thaw it in a bowl of water while your toddler screams in hunger. Paying an arm and a leg for this precious food. The stress of how to pay for it all. The stress of knowing how sensitive she really is, and wondering if she will ever get healthy? If we will ever be moving forward by leaps and bounds? If we are doing the right thing. But what choice do we have? Other child only wants toast, bananas and peanut butter, and getting him to eat any.thing.else. is a WWIII battle. Anywhere we go I have to think through to cook food in advance, and pack it. I make 3 meals every mealtime, every day. Something for CJ and I, something healthy that Parker will eat with less resistance and avoiding his allergies, and boiled meat and stock for Charlotte. There is no "fast food" (24 hour yogurt must be made once a week, 6 week sauerkraut, broth boiled 2.5 hours, nothing processed, nothing out of a package). There is no going out to eat, unless you want to cheat or hit up the salad bar at Whole Foods. There is the weirdness of watching other people around you eat whatever they want, feed their kids whatever without a second thought. The knowledge that you are now one of those "crazy food nuts" and you really don't have much choice in the matter.
Yes, it may seem like I'm complaining, for that I'm sorry. But mostly I just need to vent and get this out of my system. I need to process. I don't want pity, I just need to be real.
Because here's the thing. I KNOW God gave these children to me, with their specific needs, characteristics, problems. I am THANKFUL for them every day, and HUMBLED that He chose me, a blundering fool, to take care of them. I wouldn't trade my sweet, funny, smart, beautiful, quirky kids for anything. Every day I do my best and try not to compare, complain, worry, feel guilt, or get overwhelmed.
But some days I fail. I compare myself, my mothering skills, my patience, to those around me. I compare my children. I wonder what I'm doing wrong. I complain, and cry out to God to change things, because I feel so powerless. I worry. I worry about what I'm doing, not doing, what I should be doing. I feel guilty. Maybe it's all my gut health that caused Charlotte to be so sick. Maybe the way I react to Parker is causing him to fry my every nerve. Then I'm sucked into this pit of feeling overwhelmed, and alone, with only God and CJ who truly understand the depth of all this stress.
Most days, I give all this YUCK over to God. I shrug it off and don't let it bother me too much. But some days it creeps back upon me, making my head swirl and spirits sink. Days like today.
So in these moments I do the only things I know. Pray. Trust. Hang on.
Know in the back of my mind, I need to have hope, even if I don't feel hopeful in that moment. Know I need to let go of all the muck and find my joy again. Keep things in perspective. Be positive. Be thankful. Let God wipe away my doubt, fears, guilt, worry. Embrace His peace. Remember He never gives us anything that He hasn't carefully considered and deems worthy of our good and His glory. Know that God loves us more than the devil can shake us, and we can never be snatched out of His hands. His power, His healing touch, His comfort- it's all right there, and He gives to those who freely ask. He moves on His time, and he never makes mistakes. Remember it's not all about me; in the end, it's about Him. This is one small way where I can be a testimony to His faithfulness, His grace, and His love.
Tomorrow will be another day.
So, please know, when I say I need you all to pray for us, I mean it. When I tell you how much those prayers mean to me, know that I really am thankful. Because days like today those prayers keep me afloat. I know there are people who love us, who fervently and faithfully pray for us, who don't look upon us in judgement that we don't have it all together, but in love. People who know our struggle is real, and and just not blown out of proportion. There are people I don't even know who pray for us. And I know God hears every single one of those prayers. That love is transferred to me on days like today, where God simply puts his hand in mine and walks through this with me.
Charlotte's Picture
Charley Beth loves cows- visiting them or on her plate!
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Monday, September 15, 2014
Crazy Month and Skype Time with an Australian Doc
It's really late, but I can't sleep, and I figure I may as well do something more productive than toss and turn in bed. We just finished a Skype conversation with a doctor in Australia, and my mind is full. And as Parker likes to say now that we've read Charlotte's Web, "When your stomach is empty and your mind is full, it's always hard to sleep."I keep meaning to update this, so here goes it!
Since my last post, things really seemed to spiral out of control with Charlotte. We were backtracking, we were miserable, and in general, everything was a mess. It's been a messy, stressful month.
On the homefront, CJ is doing well at his job and settling in. After house hunting all summer and waiting on financial matters with a few banks, we were in a holding pattern and nothing was working out in the right timing. We looked at an apartment in Alfred (where I grew up, about 20 minutes from CJ's job) on Saturday. We were told there were 7 other families who looked at it that day, and we would hear an answer over the weekend. Well, we didn't hear anything, so we got to thinking they probably wouldn't offer it to a family with kids if they had a choice. But we knew if it was supposed to be the place for us that God would work it out. Monday morning at 7am I got an email offering the apartment to us. So, while home ownership was what we had our hopes set on, we know God's timing and provision is best. This will allow us to move out of CJ's parents' house soon (Oct 1), which needed to happen. It will also give us time to get settled and grant more time for God to show us where He wants us long term on HIS timeline. And one more major thing finally planned out. So, we are thankful for a clean, safe place, and look forward to making it a home. God gives us what we need, always.
Back to Charlotte, in the midst of trying to secure housing, and CJ getting into his new routine at school, Charlotte was just feeling lousy. She seemed to be reacting to everything, regressing on the diet, and I didn't really know why or how to support her or help her move forward. We had many many HARD days with her crying on my hip- long days after long sleepless nights, cranky, irritable, irrational, not fun. I knew we needed to get some professional help to help me know where to focus and what to do next.
I got some recommendations from the folks in the Facebook support group I'm part of, for some specialists who work long distance. I spoke/emailed with a few and decided to get help from a doctor in Australia who specializes working with babies and kids with severe digestive disorders and healing them through nutrition.
Let me say, for the thousandth time, God is faithful. We do not have two cents to rub together right now, let alone more money to sink into this extremely expensive diet, supplements, or even the money to talk to a doctor. Many people have asked me, and no, insurance does not cover anything we are doing. It is not mainstream medicine, and the medical community in general has nothing to offer us. Anyways, we were given a generous donation so that we would be able to actually talk to this woman all the way across the world who might help us.
We also have been approached by two different folks who would like to help us fundraise to come up with the money we need to continue helping Charlotte. I will add more details soon in another post, but stay tuned for a way you may be able to help, in addition to your prayers which we covet. If you live locally, please consider helping us by donating items you don't need, or crafty items you've made to a yard/craft sale, or baking something for our bake sale next month. I am humbled to receive these kinds of generous offers of practical ways folks can help us. The strain of trying to figure out how to afford everything is a considerable stress for us, and we simply don't have it. So we are incredibly thankful when God provides in creative ways through loving folks around us.
Okay, so tonight was the big night where we got to Skype with a doctor in Australia. In addition to enjoying her wonderful accent, we really felt good about talking with her. She told us in the beginning that she expects nothing less than a 100% recovery from Charlotte and she hopes soon this challenging time will all be a "deep dark memory." That alone was comforting to hear. When we spoke with a specialist in Boston we were told Charlotte's cases was one of the hardest types to heal, and it would be a very long and painful process the entire time. Talk about bleak. It was really depressing. With Sally Gray, this doctor from Australia, I felt a refreshing hope.
Sally talked about the different approaches to healing a child like Charlotte- the Boston doc's way being one- where you push and push and push, throw healing things at it, and eventually the body will respond and heal appropriately. Sally says this may work, but it'll be painstaking and uncomfortable for her and us. She does not think this is the best way to heal Charlotte. Her body is too fragile and sensitive for this.
What she does think is the best way, is finding a balance with Charlotte. Her body is reacting and responding and we need to listen. Pushing will only cause her body to be in a state of fighting, instead of where it needs to be, in a state of healing. Our immediate focus will be to bring Charlotte back to baseline- to the most limited foods and most healing ways of cooking them, until she is back to herself again. We need to focus on increasing her consumption of meat stock and go back to boiling her meats in stock for now, sticking with foods we know are safe. Eliminating anything else from her diet or environment that may be hindering this (most notably the probiotic she's been struggling with).
Once we are back to happy, contented Charlotte for a week or so, we will focus on trying to increase healing foods. She encouraged us to keep an open mind and not to consider only GAPS recommended foods. She says for kids like Charlotte, there is not a one size fits all approach, and right now we need to focus on nourishing and balancing her. We need to let Charlotte be our guide here. This will take time, and we need to go as slowly as she needs us to.
She really senses that Charlotte may indeed have an eosinophilic gastrointestinal disorder, and in that case GAPS may not fully work when you follow it as the protocol suggests. She says we may need to look outside that framework to find ways to heal her that will be less invasive (i.e. healing transdermally as opposed to continually trying to heal through foods which her body keeps rejecting). It's not that this approach will not work, but it makes it more complicated, and she says we should keep an open mind.
We spoke about how to ensure Charlotte is getting the nutrients she needs on such a limited diet, especially as I wean her, (we have worked down to nursing only twice daily) and she is going to send us some recommendations. One idea was to give her some Elecare (an elemental formula) but she said that was not necessary. We need to make sure she's getting the minerals, fats, and amino acids, and much of this is actually delivered to her through the meat stock, in the best form her body can recognize and break down. So, I'm not sure we need to worry all that much, because she said this period of limited foods is a transient time, and if she's healing now, soon she will be able and ready to take in more nutrients from a bigger variety of foods. This set my mind at ease a bit.
She will also email us information about other minerals and good things we can use on Charlotte's skin to get nutrients in. Where her body attacks so much when ingested, we may need to pursue getting good stuff into her a different way. Like the magnesium oil supplement we spray on her feet every night, other things are absorbed well through the skin. Yogurt and probiotics applied over her diaper area will find their way up into her digestive track. Our body is made up of so many microbes- she said there are 10 times as many microbes in and on us, as there are cells to our bodies! So we will consider other ways to support her body in getting more weapons in her arsenal of good probiotics to fight against the bad microbes in her gut.
We talked about doing some testing with the microbiome project to find out a better picture of what is going on internally, but this may or may not be helpful, for the cost. In any case, we would still need to proceed the same, slow and steady.
There is even a new therapy that is gaining in recognition- forgive the terrible picture which will come to mind- but it's taking healthy gut flora (within poop!) from a healthy donor and transplanting it into the bowels of a child like Charlotte. I have not done research about this but apparently it can drastically and more quickly improve the state of the gut. Shudder. This just plain grosses me out! But we'll read up on it!
Sally will be able to help us proceed from here. She is going to send me a detailed report and recommendations which should help us and we can contact her whenever we need via email or Skype. I was so thankful for the opportunity to talk to her and hear that Charlotte is on the right track, and we WILL work through this. Just knowing how to focus and knowing I should not push through symptoms takes so much guess work (and stress) away from me. And will make this a more comfortable journey for Charlotte. Poor little kiddo. She has been through so much already. I hate thinking how terrible she must be feeling; I don't even really know since she can't explain it yet. What a trooper.
I know I've rambled a bit, but it's 1:30 in the morning so I think I'm entitled! So, that's where we're at, in a messy little nutshell, and as always, we appreciate the prayers and encouragement more than you know. God is setting Charlotte up for a great testimony. I cannot wait to see how He will heal her and work in her life, and ours, as we go through this. We have much to be thankful for, things could be a lot worse, and we know nothing that happens to us has not been filtered through the loving hands of our heavenly Father. He will work all of this out for His glory and our good! Sending love and thanks to you all!
Since my last post, things really seemed to spiral out of control with Charlotte. We were backtracking, we were miserable, and in general, everything was a mess. It's been a messy, stressful month.
On the homefront, CJ is doing well at his job and settling in. After house hunting all summer and waiting on financial matters with a few banks, we were in a holding pattern and nothing was working out in the right timing. We looked at an apartment in Alfred (where I grew up, about 20 minutes from CJ's job) on Saturday. We were told there were 7 other families who looked at it that day, and we would hear an answer over the weekend. Well, we didn't hear anything, so we got to thinking they probably wouldn't offer it to a family with kids if they had a choice. But we knew if it was supposed to be the place for us that God would work it out. Monday morning at 7am I got an email offering the apartment to us. So, while home ownership was what we had our hopes set on, we know God's timing and provision is best. This will allow us to move out of CJ's parents' house soon (Oct 1), which needed to happen. It will also give us time to get settled and grant more time for God to show us where He wants us long term on HIS timeline. And one more major thing finally planned out. So, we are thankful for a clean, safe place, and look forward to making it a home. God gives us what we need, always.
Back to Charlotte, in the midst of trying to secure housing, and CJ getting into his new routine at school, Charlotte was just feeling lousy. She seemed to be reacting to everything, regressing on the diet, and I didn't really know why or how to support her or help her move forward. We had many many HARD days with her crying on my hip- long days after long sleepless nights, cranky, irritable, irrational, not fun. I knew we needed to get some professional help to help me know where to focus and what to do next.
I got some recommendations from the folks in the Facebook support group I'm part of, for some specialists who work long distance. I spoke/emailed with a few and decided to get help from a doctor in Australia who specializes working with babies and kids with severe digestive disorders and healing them through nutrition.
Let me say, for the thousandth time, God is faithful. We do not have two cents to rub together right now, let alone more money to sink into this extremely expensive diet, supplements, or even the money to talk to a doctor. Many people have asked me, and no, insurance does not cover anything we are doing. It is not mainstream medicine, and the medical community in general has nothing to offer us. Anyways, we were given a generous donation so that we would be able to actually talk to this woman all the way across the world who might help us.
We also have been approached by two different folks who would like to help us fundraise to come up with the money we need to continue helping Charlotte. I will add more details soon in another post, but stay tuned for a way you may be able to help, in addition to your prayers which we covet. If you live locally, please consider helping us by donating items you don't need, or crafty items you've made to a yard/craft sale, or baking something for our bake sale next month. I am humbled to receive these kinds of generous offers of practical ways folks can help us. The strain of trying to figure out how to afford everything is a considerable stress for us, and we simply don't have it. So we are incredibly thankful when God provides in creative ways through loving folks around us.
Okay, so tonight was the big night where we got to Skype with a doctor in Australia. In addition to enjoying her wonderful accent, we really felt good about talking with her. She told us in the beginning that she expects nothing less than a 100% recovery from Charlotte and she hopes soon this challenging time will all be a "deep dark memory." That alone was comforting to hear. When we spoke with a specialist in Boston we were told Charlotte's cases was one of the hardest types to heal, and it would be a very long and painful process the entire time. Talk about bleak. It was really depressing. With Sally Gray, this doctor from Australia, I felt a refreshing hope.
Sally talked about the different approaches to healing a child like Charlotte- the Boston doc's way being one- where you push and push and push, throw healing things at it, and eventually the body will respond and heal appropriately. Sally says this may work, but it'll be painstaking and uncomfortable for her and us. She does not think this is the best way to heal Charlotte. Her body is too fragile and sensitive for this.
What she does think is the best way, is finding a balance with Charlotte. Her body is reacting and responding and we need to listen. Pushing will only cause her body to be in a state of fighting, instead of where it needs to be, in a state of healing. Our immediate focus will be to bring Charlotte back to baseline- to the most limited foods and most healing ways of cooking them, until she is back to herself again. We need to focus on increasing her consumption of meat stock and go back to boiling her meats in stock for now, sticking with foods we know are safe. Eliminating anything else from her diet or environment that may be hindering this (most notably the probiotic she's been struggling with).
Once we are back to happy, contented Charlotte for a week or so, we will focus on trying to increase healing foods. She encouraged us to keep an open mind and not to consider only GAPS recommended foods. She says for kids like Charlotte, there is not a one size fits all approach, and right now we need to focus on nourishing and balancing her. We need to let Charlotte be our guide here. This will take time, and we need to go as slowly as she needs us to.
She really senses that Charlotte may indeed have an eosinophilic gastrointestinal disorder, and in that case GAPS may not fully work when you follow it as the protocol suggests. She says we may need to look outside that framework to find ways to heal her that will be less invasive (i.e. healing transdermally as opposed to continually trying to heal through foods which her body keeps rejecting). It's not that this approach will not work, but it makes it more complicated, and she says we should keep an open mind.
We spoke about how to ensure Charlotte is getting the nutrients she needs on such a limited diet, especially as I wean her, (we have worked down to nursing only twice daily) and she is going to send us some recommendations. One idea was to give her some Elecare (an elemental formula) but she said that was not necessary. We need to make sure she's getting the minerals, fats, and amino acids, and much of this is actually delivered to her through the meat stock, in the best form her body can recognize and break down. So, I'm not sure we need to worry all that much, because she said this period of limited foods is a transient time, and if she's healing now, soon she will be able and ready to take in more nutrients from a bigger variety of foods. This set my mind at ease a bit.
She will also email us information about other minerals and good things we can use on Charlotte's skin to get nutrients in. Where her body attacks so much when ingested, we may need to pursue getting good stuff into her a different way. Like the magnesium oil supplement we spray on her feet every night, other things are absorbed well through the skin. Yogurt and probiotics applied over her diaper area will find their way up into her digestive track. Our body is made up of so many microbes- she said there are 10 times as many microbes in and on us, as there are cells to our bodies! So we will consider other ways to support her body in getting more weapons in her arsenal of good probiotics to fight against the bad microbes in her gut.
We talked about doing some testing with the microbiome project to find out a better picture of what is going on internally, but this may or may not be helpful, for the cost. In any case, we would still need to proceed the same, slow and steady.
There is even a new therapy that is gaining in recognition- forgive the terrible picture which will come to mind- but it's taking healthy gut flora (within poop!) from a healthy donor and transplanting it into the bowels of a child like Charlotte. I have not done research about this but apparently it can drastically and more quickly improve the state of the gut. Shudder. This just plain grosses me out! But we'll read up on it!
Sally will be able to help us proceed from here. She is going to send me a detailed report and recommendations which should help us and we can contact her whenever we need via email or Skype. I was so thankful for the opportunity to talk to her and hear that Charlotte is on the right track, and we WILL work through this. Just knowing how to focus and knowing I should not push through symptoms takes so much guess work (and stress) away from me. And will make this a more comfortable journey for Charlotte. Poor little kiddo. She has been through so much already. I hate thinking how terrible she must be feeling; I don't even really know since she can't explain it yet. What a trooper.
I know I've rambled a bit, but it's 1:30 in the morning so I think I'm entitled! So, that's where we're at, in a messy little nutshell, and as always, we appreciate the prayers and encouragement more than you know. God is setting Charlotte up for a great testimony. I cannot wait to see how He will heal her and work in her life, and ours, as we go through this. We have much to be thankful for, things could be a lot worse, and we know nothing that happens to us has not been filtered through the loving hands of our heavenly Father. He will work all of this out for His glory and our good! Sending love and thanks to you all!
Friday, August 29, 2014
SIX months update!
Has it been that long? Holy moly! Time for another update!
Charley Beth is almost 2! She is a feisty, loveable, squeezable girl who loves life and can't go anywhere without a little wiggle and a smile. As I type, she is swaddling her baby dolls and carrying them around, pausing now and then to rock and kiss them. She loves grooving to music, playing outside, cows, Pooh Bear, books, colored pencils, ABCs, and all of her favorite people. She talks in complete sentences, can count to 12, knows all her ABCs and the letter sounds, sings songs, prays at the dinner table, and loves the color purple best. I am daily amazed that I get to be her mum. She is an absolute joy, and I'm humbled God chose someone like me to care for her (and Parky!).
GAPS-wise, Charlotte has been making some progress, but the past week or two we've been backtracking. She is suddenly having terrible reactions to egg yolks, so we had to remove them from her diet for now. We had added in some veggies, but had to take some out after a bit of detective work. She still seems to not be feeling her best, but it's often hard to get to the bottom of what is bothering her. She will often tell me, "Belly sick," or "Chah-Chah hurt." Of course, this breaks my heart. Distraction will often help, but mainly she gets "too grumpy" or "too sad" (her words) when she is not feeling well. Her mood is markedly different, she doesn't sleep well, eat well, is clingy and fussy, and has skin rashes. She has been chewed alive by mosquitoes this summer (often in no more time than it takes to walk to the car), and the bites swell and look terrible. She's also helped herself to some things she shouldn't have- for example, a blackberry, which she picked and ate while I wasn't looking- wreaked havoc for a solid week. I am still amazed at how incredibly sensitive her body is. No doubt these extra stressors on her body inhibit healing to some degree. Plus add in all the normal developmental issues of a tiny person, and you can easily drive yourself crazy trying to heal, protect, and care for it all.
Her diet now consists of:
-Pasture-raised, grass-fed, organic beef, turkey, lamb, pork, and venison (generally we only have access to beef and occasionally turkey or pork)
-1/2 capsule therapeutic-strength probiotic
-2 drops sauerkraut juice
-1/2 capsule digestive enzyme
-Rutabaga (which she now refuses in any form)
-Leeks (she will only eat chopped finely and mixed into meatballs)
-Celery (she will only eat boiled into her broths)
-Green beans (Yay! SO enjoyed giving her some from our garden!)
-Cabbage (also refuses, so I boil it in her broth)
-Once in awhile she has raw honey in a bit of fresh-grated ginger or chamomile tea
-Bone broths
-Breast milk (yes, I'm still following the GAPS diet too)
As you can see, getting her to actually eat some of this stuff is a challenge (and who can blame her? I'd be sick of the same things all the time too, and who wants to munch on a rutabaga when they're hungry?!) We continue to aim for daily detox baths and I spray magnesium oil on our feet to aid in detox. We got a homeopathic medicine to try with her, but I'm waiting till she is back at baseline to do so. It is supposed to speed up the healing process with people with leaky gut. We'll see!
Parker is still following the Full GAPS diet and we've seen a great overall improvement in his attitude and behavior. He loves helping me make juice and slurping it up till his face is orange with carrots. The only thing he is not eating that is technically "gapsy" is 100% sprouted bread. Since this gets processed by the body as a vegetable, I'm not too worried about it right now.
I should have a brag paragraph about my big guy too. Parker is, as he says, "almost five." (Not really, his birthday isn't till April!) He is constantly building things, whether constructing street sweepers, a coal mine, a fire station out of Tyco blocks, making elaborate train tracks, or working on crafts. He is definitely one creative and smart kid! His little mind is always going a mile a minute (and so is his mouth!) He still loves snuggles, fire trucks, playing with my hair, and eating gobs and gobs of peanut butter. We have been reading chapter books this summer. Right now we're in the middle of the Great Illustrated Classics, Swiss Family Robinson. He knows what he wants, he's very persistent, and he's smart as a whip. I'm sure these traits will serve him very well in the future (sometimes, though, they tax my tired little brain and exhaust my energy! But, alas, that is what boys are supposed to do)!
The most exciting news I can share is that God is faithful! Last week CJ and I went out for our 7th anniversary and he got a phone call while we were on our [very appreciated and gloriously quiet!] date. Biddeford High School wanted to hire him as a guidance counselor! He started the next day! We were both incredibly thankful because this means we'll be able to stay in the area, close to both of our families. It may have taken all summer, dozens of applications, many rejections, tons of prayer warriors, and a bit of frazzled hope and faith, but God delivered! CJ has been training all week and the students will begin next Tuesday. I'm sure he's going to do just fine, despite having a lot to learn all at once.
CJ has also been busy trying to get started in the Marine Corps Reserves, working through Chicope, MA. He did some drill time last month and hopes to be able to do the "one weekend a month, two weeks a year" thing. He may need to take a professional military course, which he has applied for. He is always working to try and figure out how he can best serve our family. Thankful for my amazing husband who is always supportive of me and our "nutball kids!" (as he likes to say).
We've had a wonderful summer visiting people we love, taking the kids to fairs, the lake, and more. I can hardly believe another season is coming to a close, but fall has always been a time of excitement for me. New beginnings, and changes, both of which we'll have plenty of this fall. :)
Speaking of finances/needs, remember how I mentioned looking for a big freezer? My mom was out driving one day and passed a freezer with a sign that said, "Free!" God is good! My grandmother and my mom are constantly looking for stuff for us and loading us up with bargains she finds- cast iron skillets, etc! Our "Gut Garden" has provided a stready supply of healthy veggies. We've been able to pick and freeze wild berries. We've had a supply of fresh eggs all summer, delivered to us every week. CJ has been able to borrow his grandfather's car lately so I'm not stranded without a vehicle. We have a roof over our heads and very gracious in-laws! We've been given lovely hand-me-down clothes for the kids. My brother's given us venison. So many ways we've been blessed- no matter how small we know God's hand is in it, and we know He's taking care of us through the loving and generous people he's put in our lives. Every day is a new testimony of God's faithfulness. It is so important for me to remember that and focus on these blessings, rather than being overwhelmed.
Thanks for continuing to lift us up, with prayers, encouragement, and just by trying to understand our journey. :) Sending love and little hugs.
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| Sweet Charley Beth! |
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| Spunky and Sweet |
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| Thank you for praying for me! |
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| Sometimes we can get her bacon, and it's her FAVORITE! |
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| Notice the bug bites! Poor kid! |
-Pasture-raised, grass-fed, organic beef, turkey, lamb, pork, and venison (generally we only have access to beef and occasionally turkey or pork)
-1/2 capsule therapeutic-strength probiotic
-2 drops sauerkraut juice
-1/2 capsule digestive enzyme
-Rutabaga (which she now refuses in any form)
-Leeks (she will only eat chopped finely and mixed into meatballs)
-Celery (she will only eat boiled into her broths)
-Green beans (Yay! SO enjoyed giving her some from our garden!)
-Cabbage (also refuses, so I boil it in her broth)
-Once in awhile she has raw honey in a bit of fresh-grated ginger or chamomile tea
-Bone broths
-Breast milk (yes, I'm still following the GAPS diet too)
As you can see, getting her to actually eat some of this stuff is a challenge (and who can blame her? I'd be sick of the same things all the time too, and who wants to munch on a rutabaga when they're hungry?!) We continue to aim for daily detox baths and I spray magnesium oil on our feet to aid in detox. We got a homeopathic medicine to try with her, but I'm waiting till she is back at baseline to do so. It is supposed to speed up the healing process with people with leaky gut. We'll see!
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| So ghetto! They are sawing a frozen turkey into quarters for me so I can cook less at a time and spread out the meals! Good thing Lysle is ingenious! |
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| Snacking on some bacon while admiring the piglets! Hmm! |
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| This was before we implemented the diet with Parker. He is enjoying a s'more at the lake. What do you give a child who cannot eat it? A really really big hunk of meat! Voila! Two happy kids eating their "treats!" |
Parker is still following the Full GAPS diet and we've seen a great overall improvement in his attitude and behavior. He loves helping me make juice and slurping it up till his face is orange with carrots. The only thing he is not eating that is technically "gapsy" is 100% sprouted bread. Since this gets processed by the body as a vegetable, I'm not too worried about it right now.
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| Parker's juice beard! |
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| Parky Snuggles! |
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| My happy beach boy |
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| Guilty face- sneaking a spoonful of peanut butter from the jar! |
The most exciting news I can share is that God is faithful! Last week CJ and I went out for our 7th anniversary and he got a phone call while we were on our [very appreciated and gloriously quiet!] date. Biddeford High School wanted to hire him as a guidance counselor! He started the next day! We were both incredibly thankful because this means we'll be able to stay in the area, close to both of our families. It may have taken all summer, dozens of applications, many rejections, tons of prayer warriors, and a bit of frazzled hope and faith, but God delivered! CJ has been training all week and the students will begin next Tuesday. I'm sure he's going to do just fine, despite having a lot to learn all at once.
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| My handsome date on our 7th Anniversary Date! |
CJ has also been busy trying to get started in the Marine Corps Reserves, working through Chicope, MA. He did some drill time last month and hopes to be able to do the "one weekend a month, two weeks a year" thing. He may need to take a professional military course, which he has applied for. He is always working to try and figure out how he can best serve our family. Thankful for my amazing husband who is always supportive of me and our "nutball kids!" (as he likes to say).
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| CJ at Maine's Run for the Fallen |
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| Kayak adventure! |
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| Parker on a tractor at the fair |
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| Charlotte on a tractor at the fair |
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| The kiddos and I enjoying an afternoon at the lake |
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| First kayaking trip as a family- 20 minute journey turned into 3 hours! Very fun time up north with my brother, brother-in-law, and nieces. Kids did great! We are still hogging CJ's parents' house and excitedly/nervously/stressfully searching for our own place to live. We're not sure if we can buy a house with so much student debt and not a huge income, but we know that just like everything else, we have to trust that God will give us wisdom and help us find the right place for our family. And of course, be able to afford it! Prayers welcome here!! |
Speaking of finances/needs, remember how I mentioned looking for a big freezer? My mom was out driving one day and passed a freezer with a sign that said, "Free!" God is good! My grandmother and my mom are constantly looking for stuff for us and loading us up with bargains she finds- cast iron skillets, etc! Our "Gut Garden" has provided a stready supply of healthy veggies. We've been able to pick and freeze wild berries. We've had a supply of fresh eggs all summer, delivered to us every week. CJ has been able to borrow his grandfather's car lately so I'm not stranded without a vehicle. We have a roof over our heads and very gracious in-laws! We've been given lovely hand-me-down clothes for the kids. My brother's given us venison. So many ways we've been blessed- no matter how small we know God's hand is in it, and we know He's taking care of us through the loving and generous people he's put in our lives. Every day is a new testimony of God's faithfulness. It is so important for me to remember that and focus on these blessings, rather than being overwhelmed.
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| Devouring some of Uncle Kevin's "DEER MEAT! More deer meat pweese!" |
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| Picking wild blueberries (my favorite!) with my brother and nieces. Think my scowly boy needs a bath??! |
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| The "Gut Garden" Bounty! |
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| Admiring the purple cauliflower! |
Sunday, August 3, 2014
5 Months Update
It's been 5 months since we started GAPS! What a ride it's been so far! With life continually coming at us, it's tricky to find time to update the blog. But for you faithful prayer warriors, you deserve an update!
It seems like low-phenols have really been the key to helping Charlotte thrive during this time while her body heals. We have finally had success introducing some vegetables into Charley Beth's diet, which is AMAZING. I can now offer her beef, pork, turkey, venison, lamb, rutabaga, leek, celery, cabbage, and green beans. Our "Gut Garden" as CJ calls it, is growing well, and it's so exciting for Charlotte to help us pick some green beans and then enjoy them. The trouble is, she will pick one and then stomp around insisting we "GO COOK IT. Cook it NOW! Eat BEANS!"
I've upped the amount of raw egg yolk also, so she is working her way into 1/2 tsp of that. I've given her freshly-grated ginger tea as well as chamomile peppermint tea, with a bit of raw honey. She especially loves it when I make her "tea pops" (frozen tea in a popsicle mold). We have been dealing with some mild symptoms like skin rashes, "shiners" (under her eyes look mildly dark like a black eye), some crankiness, etc. but no belly pain or crying at night. This is huge!! Thank you, Lord, for some variety and progress!
More proof of her belly healing is that I've also been able to reintroduce some foods into my diet. Hello bananas! Also I've had a tiny bit of homemade chocolate chips and walnuts, and she tolerated them fine through my milk.
Yes, I'm still nursing. With our busy summer and everything else going on, weaning has not been a top priority. Ah well, we'll get there. She is obviously thriving (have you checked out those thighs!?) and smart as a whip, so I am not worrying about it. Nursing an almost-two year-old wasn't something I ever envisioned, but here we are. When she's sick or going through food strikes (out of boredom, I think), I don't have to worry about whether she's getting the nutrients she needs to grow.
I have started giving her some enzymes to see if that helps her digest food better, and I'm not sure if it's helping, but it's certainly not hurting. So, lots of changes happening, which is a really good thing. It's been a challenge to find the balance of pushing, but not pushing too hard. I have been intimidated to try new things, but I'm becoming more brave now that I'm seeing her progress. At last we are taking more steps forward than backward.
Life is indeed crazy. We're still at CJ's parents' house, enjoying the Maine summer with family and friends close by. What a blessing, and something we haven't had in so long. CJ has been hard at work all summer, applying for dozens of jobs. It is our hope and prayer that we'll be able to stay in this area long term. We're trying to keep our eyes on Jesus as we walk across the uneven waters which threaten to swallow us with doubt, fear, and worry. We know He's got a plan already mapped out for us, and He's closing a lot of doors to places where He obviously does not want us. It's discouraging to watch CJ face so many rejections, but in our minds and hearts, we know that somehow He's going to work this all out for our good and His glory, and that His plans are always better than ours. If you think of it, please ask God to provide CJ a job soon and for us to continue trusting and waiting on Him. Patience is something we need to work on as well- we just want to know NOW how He's going to work it all out, but as we all know, God does things in His own time.
After contemplating for months about how/when to get Parker on the GAPS diet, we finally found the courage to make the leap. With our lives in flux, we decided it would be too challenging right now to launch into the Intro diet (starting at broth like Charlotte did). One day we just seamlessly started him onto my Full GAPS diet, and it really was less of an issue than I had thought possible. He dramatically says, "I'll never eat cereal again!"He does miss certain things, but he no longer asks for them daily.
Our motivation for this was, simply put, our sanity! Parker has always been a very energetic, high needs child. He knows what he wants, he's smart, and he needs constant stimulation and attention. Mealtimes, even getting him to eat anything, were always a struggle. He is reluctant (I should say adamantly against) trying new foods. We have been struggling with behavior issues and attitude/mood issues. I wanted to see if changing his diet would make a difference so that we were could enjoy him more and help him thrive, both physically, by eating and trying healthy foods, and emotionally. Maybe he'll finally grow! Last doctor's appointment he was not even on the charts for his height! He can wear clothes from 2 summers ago.
Let me tell you, the change has been drastic. We are still dealing with a strong-willed four year-old (which we love), but the degree of peace in our household has improved a LOT. We know he's a child, and he's not perfect, and we're not perfect parents, but this seems to be one way we CAN help him. No longer is Parker a storm cloud, but he is consistently more calm, happy, and enjoyable. He is sleeping better and gives us less hassles about going to bed. He's been eating the food before him with much less resistance, and he has even tried two new foods- green beans, and raspberries. (He ate those before, but only chopped up finely in soup form, or mashed into oatmeal). We're talking he picked raspberries off Grampa's bushes and ate them. Yes, he ate them! You might not think that is a big deal, but trust me, I whooped for joy and swung him around. He asks now for juice- tells us which fruits and vegetables he'd like in it, and will gladly drink a whole cup of freshly-pressed juice whereas before he would take an eternity (and a headache!) to swallow 4 "squirters" worth. He is such a smart, funny, lovable boy, and I wanted to help the good parts of him shine more without having the irritating traits (whining, bad mood, etc) constantly in my face. I think it's been a very good thing for him, and us.
We were invited "camping" last weekend. My brother and sister-in-law offered for us to stay with them and my sister (and all the respective kiddo cousins!) at a beautiful condo overlooking Rangely Lake. This worked out so nicely. We had a fabulous time hanging out with family, visiting my grandparents' camp, and taking the kids on their first kayaking trip (over 3 hours! They were great and it was so fun!) I had cooked up a storm before we left, and I was able to use the fridge, freezer, and stove, to cook. Sooo much easier than actual camping!
I had made special foods just for Parker, like graham crackers and marshmallows, so that he wouldn't feel left out when the cousins were eating S'mores and other special treats. I never thought I'd be making marshmallows out of gelatin and honey, or graham crackers made from almond meal, but I did it, and he loved them! Aside from him dumping maple syrup all over his breakfast when we weren't looking and turning into a crazy person one day, he did very well!
We were able to get a quarter cow from a local farm who raises organic grass-fed beef and my brother is letting us use his freezer to store it in. This is so great because it's so much more cost-effective buying in bulk. Hopefully we'll be able to hunt this fall, and eventually, raise more of our own food. Paying for this diet on no income is a trip, but God is faithful, and we are thankful.
We will continue to try and add more foods to Charlotte's menu, and hope that with more time, she will fully heal and be able to eat so many more nutritious foods. Thank you for your prayers. We'll keep you posted of her progress!
It seems like low-phenols have really been the key to helping Charlotte thrive during this time while her body heals. We have finally had success introducing some vegetables into Charley Beth's diet, which is AMAZING. I can now offer her beef, pork, turkey, venison, lamb, rutabaga, leek, celery, cabbage, and green beans. Our "Gut Garden" as CJ calls it, is growing well, and it's so exciting for Charlotte to help us pick some green beans and then enjoy them. The trouble is, she will pick one and then stomp around insisting we "GO COOK IT. Cook it NOW! Eat BEANS!"
I've upped the amount of raw egg yolk also, so she is working her way into 1/2 tsp of that. I've given her freshly-grated ginger tea as well as chamomile peppermint tea, with a bit of raw honey. She especially loves it when I make her "tea pops" (frozen tea in a popsicle mold). We have been dealing with some mild symptoms like skin rashes, "shiners" (under her eyes look mildly dark like a black eye), some crankiness, etc. but no belly pain or crying at night. This is huge!! Thank you, Lord, for some variety and progress!
More proof of her belly healing is that I've also been able to reintroduce some foods into my diet. Hello bananas! Also I've had a tiny bit of homemade chocolate chips and walnuts, and she tolerated them fine through my milk.
Yes, I'm still nursing. With our busy summer and everything else going on, weaning has not been a top priority. Ah well, we'll get there. She is obviously thriving (have you checked out those thighs!?) and smart as a whip, so I am not worrying about it. Nursing an almost-two year-old wasn't something I ever envisioned, but here we are. When she's sick or going through food strikes (out of boredom, I think), I don't have to worry about whether she's getting the nutrients she needs to grow.
I have started giving her some enzymes to see if that helps her digest food better, and I'm not sure if it's helping, but it's certainly not hurting. So, lots of changes happening, which is a really good thing. It's been a challenge to find the balance of pushing, but not pushing too hard. I have been intimidated to try new things, but I'm becoming more brave now that I'm seeing her progress. At last we are taking more steps forward than backward.
Life is indeed crazy. We're still at CJ's parents' house, enjoying the Maine summer with family and friends close by. What a blessing, and something we haven't had in so long. CJ has been hard at work all summer, applying for dozens of jobs. It is our hope and prayer that we'll be able to stay in this area long term. We're trying to keep our eyes on Jesus as we walk across the uneven waters which threaten to swallow us with doubt, fear, and worry. We know He's got a plan already mapped out for us, and He's closing a lot of doors to places where He obviously does not want us. It's discouraging to watch CJ face so many rejections, but in our minds and hearts, we know that somehow He's going to work this all out for our good and His glory, and that His plans are always better than ours. If you think of it, please ask God to provide CJ a job soon and for us to continue trusting and waiting on Him. Patience is something we need to work on as well- we just want to know NOW how He's going to work it all out, but as we all know, God does things in His own time.
After contemplating for months about how/when to get Parker on the GAPS diet, we finally found the courage to make the leap. With our lives in flux, we decided it would be too challenging right now to launch into the Intro diet (starting at broth like Charlotte did). One day we just seamlessly started him onto my Full GAPS diet, and it really was less of an issue than I had thought possible. He dramatically says, "I'll never eat cereal again!"He does miss certain things, but he no longer asks for them daily.
Our motivation for this was, simply put, our sanity! Parker has always been a very energetic, high needs child. He knows what he wants, he's smart, and he needs constant stimulation and attention. Mealtimes, even getting him to eat anything, were always a struggle. He is reluctant (I should say adamantly against) trying new foods. We have been struggling with behavior issues and attitude/mood issues. I wanted to see if changing his diet would make a difference so that we were could enjoy him more and help him thrive, both physically, by eating and trying healthy foods, and emotionally. Maybe he'll finally grow! Last doctor's appointment he was not even on the charts for his height! He can wear clothes from 2 summers ago.
Let me tell you, the change has been drastic. We are still dealing with a strong-willed four year-old (which we love), but the degree of peace in our household has improved a LOT. We know he's a child, and he's not perfect, and we're not perfect parents, but this seems to be one way we CAN help him. No longer is Parker a storm cloud, but he is consistently more calm, happy, and enjoyable. He is sleeping better and gives us less hassles about going to bed. He's been eating the food before him with much less resistance, and he has even tried two new foods- green beans, and raspberries. (He ate those before, but only chopped up finely in soup form, or mashed into oatmeal). We're talking he picked raspberries off Grampa's bushes and ate them. Yes, he ate them! You might not think that is a big deal, but trust me, I whooped for joy and swung him around. He asks now for juice- tells us which fruits and vegetables he'd like in it, and will gladly drink a whole cup of freshly-pressed juice whereas before he would take an eternity (and a headache!) to swallow 4 "squirters" worth. He is such a smart, funny, lovable boy, and I wanted to help the good parts of him shine more without having the irritating traits (whining, bad mood, etc) constantly in my face. I think it's been a very good thing for him, and us.
We were invited "camping" last weekend. My brother and sister-in-law offered for us to stay with them and my sister (and all the respective kiddo cousins!) at a beautiful condo overlooking Rangely Lake. This worked out so nicely. We had a fabulous time hanging out with family, visiting my grandparents' camp, and taking the kids on their first kayaking trip (over 3 hours! They were great and it was so fun!) I had cooked up a storm before we left, and I was able to use the fridge, freezer, and stove, to cook. Sooo much easier than actual camping!
I had made special foods just for Parker, like graham crackers and marshmallows, so that he wouldn't feel left out when the cousins were eating S'mores and other special treats. I never thought I'd be making marshmallows out of gelatin and honey, or graham crackers made from almond meal, but I did it, and he loved them! Aside from him dumping maple syrup all over his breakfast when we weren't looking and turning into a crazy person one day, he did very well!
We were able to get a quarter cow from a local farm who raises organic grass-fed beef and my brother is letting us use his freezer to store it in. This is so great because it's so much more cost-effective buying in bulk. Hopefully we'll be able to hunt this fall, and eventually, raise more of our own food. Paying for this diet on no income is a trip, but God is faithful, and we are thankful.
We will continue to try and add more foods to Charlotte's menu, and hope that with more time, she will fully heal and be able to eat so many more nutritious foods. Thank you for your prayers. We'll keep you posted of her progress!
Monday, July 7, 2014
PROGRESS!
God is so good. We are starting to see HUGE gains in Charlotte! Okay, they may not seem huge to you, but to me, they are tangible evidence that GAPS is working, and most importantly, that GOD is working. It is a wonderful feeling to finally start seeing her improving, after it felt like we were doggie paddling in a sea of broth and meat!
After our successful addition of rutabaga to Charlotte's diet, we tried leek. I had to watch a youtube video to figure out what I was supposed to do with this grubby vegetable! It tastes milder than an onion and it's been a nice flavor to add to broths. I have also minced it and cooked it in ground meat, and pan-fried it in bacon fat and then added to broths. Yummy!
Also, raw egg yolk! I know, most people say, "yuck!" But Charlotte asks for "Moah egg peeeese!" Raw egg yolks are amazingly healthy since they contain cholin, an important amino acid in terms of liver function and for the nervous system. When eaten raw, the yolks need practically no digestion, similar to breastmilk. The body can instantly absorb tons of vitamins, amino acids, essential fatty acids, magnesium, and zinc. They are very high in B12, which is necessary for a developing nervous system and immunity. So I'm really excited Charlotte is tolerating them!
In the beginning of this diet, we tried raw egg yolk twice- both times I only gave 1 drop from a syringe. She was up all night crying and had rashes all over. This time, 1/4 tsp is going down just fine! If that isn't progress, I don't know what is!
I have plans to introduce cooked celery this week, and possibly some ginger or mint tea with raw honey. We'll see how it goes and I'll keep you posted!
In other news, we're still partying in limbo-land. No positive news yet on the job front for CJ. We've been on the lookout for houses but obviously can't do anything until we know exactly where we'll be and have income once again. If you think of it, please pray for us during this time- to wait for Him to guide us, and trust that He's got this all figured out already. (I just hope he lets us in on it soon...!)
A new friend of mine whom I met through a Facebook group for parents with kids on the GAPS diet, has a young daughter on GAPS. She is a Christian too and we have conversed back and forth a bit. I have really been thinking about something she said. She said something to the effect of us not expecting blessings from God. He chooses to bless us, since He loves and cares about us, but He doesn't have to. I have grown up learning to step out in faith and trust that God will be there for my every need. But in truth, I think she's right. God's not just giving hand-outs, He asks us to trust and take His hand even when it seems empty. To have faith regardless of what He does or does not do. We need to praise Him even when there doesn't seem to be a silver lining in the clouds. He doesn't change, and He will always be faithful. He exceeds our expectations, not by giving us more than we ask for, but by giving or withholding according to His wisdom and grace. Just some food for thought.
We found a local organic farm where we have ordered 1/4 cow, hopefully to be delivered sometime this week. It makes so much more sense to purchase in bulk (literally half the price, though still a pretty penny) than to buy it as we go. We're thankful we've found a way to do this. My brother has graciously offered up freezer space for now, but we will be in need of a big freezer come fall. If anyone knows of one going for cheap, let us know!
Our "Gut Garden" aka our "Victory Garden" is looking so well! We have already enjoyed fresh lettuce, beet greens, zucchini and broccoli. My Grampa gave us raspberries and we've been strawberry picking twice. Bring on the summer bounty!
We're also thinking and planning to put Parker on GAPS as soon as we can. It's a hectic time right now, but we'll figure it out.
I'll keep the updates coming- will you keep the prayers coming? :) Thanks and love!
After our successful addition of rutabaga to Charlotte's diet, we tried leek. I had to watch a youtube video to figure out what I was supposed to do with this grubby vegetable! It tastes milder than an onion and it's been a nice flavor to add to broths. I have also minced it and cooked it in ground meat, and pan-fried it in bacon fat and then added to broths. Yummy!
Also, raw egg yolk! I know, most people say, "yuck!" But Charlotte asks for "Moah egg peeeese!" Raw egg yolks are amazingly healthy since they contain cholin, an important amino acid in terms of liver function and for the nervous system. When eaten raw, the yolks need practically no digestion, similar to breastmilk. The body can instantly absorb tons of vitamins, amino acids, essential fatty acids, magnesium, and zinc. They are very high in B12, which is necessary for a developing nervous system and immunity. So I'm really excited Charlotte is tolerating them!
In the beginning of this diet, we tried raw egg yolk twice- both times I only gave 1 drop from a syringe. She was up all night crying and had rashes all over. This time, 1/4 tsp is going down just fine! If that isn't progress, I don't know what is!
I have plans to introduce cooked celery this week, and possibly some ginger or mint tea with raw honey. We'll see how it goes and I'll keep you posted!
In other news, we're still partying in limbo-land. No positive news yet on the job front for CJ. We've been on the lookout for houses but obviously can't do anything until we know exactly where we'll be and have income once again. If you think of it, please pray for us during this time- to wait for Him to guide us, and trust that He's got this all figured out already. (I just hope he lets us in on it soon...!)
A new friend of mine whom I met through a Facebook group for parents with kids on the GAPS diet, has a young daughter on GAPS. She is a Christian too and we have conversed back and forth a bit. I have really been thinking about something she said. She said something to the effect of us not expecting blessings from God. He chooses to bless us, since He loves and cares about us, but He doesn't have to. I have grown up learning to step out in faith and trust that God will be there for my every need. But in truth, I think she's right. God's not just giving hand-outs, He asks us to trust and take His hand even when it seems empty. To have faith regardless of what He does or does not do. We need to praise Him even when there doesn't seem to be a silver lining in the clouds. He doesn't change, and He will always be faithful. He exceeds our expectations, not by giving us more than we ask for, but by giving or withholding according to His wisdom and grace. Just some food for thought.
We found a local organic farm where we have ordered 1/4 cow, hopefully to be delivered sometime this week. It makes so much more sense to purchase in bulk (literally half the price, though still a pretty penny) than to buy it as we go. We're thankful we've found a way to do this. My brother has graciously offered up freezer space for now, but we will be in need of a big freezer come fall. If anyone knows of one going for cheap, let us know!
Our "Gut Garden" aka our "Victory Garden" is looking so well! We have already enjoyed fresh lettuce, beet greens, zucchini and broccoli. My Grampa gave us raspberries and we've been strawberry picking twice. Bring on the summer bounty!
We're also thinking and planning to put Parker on GAPS as soon as we can. It's a hectic time right now, but we'll figure it out.
I'll keep the updates coming- will you keep the prayers coming? :) Thanks and love!
Monday, June 23, 2014
Introducing....
Monday, June 16, 2014
Some Photos
"Chah-Chah do it. Eat brof! Meat!"
How we go anywhere- contending with allergies, not being able to eat processed foods, and making sure I always have safe food on hand for us to eat = lots of planning and prep work!
Little Trooper!
Enjoying some meat given to us at a discounted cost from a local farm!
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