The Happy Bebe Belly Blog

Friday, January 9, 2015

Family Update

Let's start with the fun updates! We decided to name our little guy Henry Jacob! The kids are enjoying telling everyone his name and talking about what they think he'll be like-- obviously he'll be really cute! :) I'm now 24 weeks and feeling well. I have been working on his quilt this week and am nearly done.

We're in the process of buying a house! What? Yes! We were finally getting settled in our apartment and had just sorted through everything in the attic, organizing and purging. Everything finally seemed in order. Then I had a dream about us moving into a house and that morning CJ and I sat on the couch, browsing realty sites. CJ saw his grandparents' old house had just been listed. His grandparents owned a house from the 60's- 2005. The couple who bought it after that tried to sell it, but the house ended up going into foreclosure. We knew this was happening last summer, but the house was way out of our price range. However, the person who bought it just wants to flip it so it's listed for a price within our budget. We went to look at it the night of my [30th! Yikes!] birthday and decided to pursue it. We made the offer Monday, and it went under contract yesterday. Our inspections will take place next week. Lord-willing, our closing date is set for February 13th! So surreal!

The house is so roomy (especially considering we were in a 400 square foot apartment for 2 1/2 years)! It's got an open living area and kitchen downstairs, then 2 upper floors with bathrooms and 5 bedrooms! It's not out in the country which we had our hearts set on, but we will be able to have gardens and there is a nice yard and wrap around porch. It's in a great neighborhood and within walking distance to the library and park. Plus right near CJ's family. It was built in 1920 so it's got a lot of charm. In addition to that it's been well cared for- the last owners sank $100,000 into it in repairs, so everything major has been done- roof, windows, insulation, floors, new porch, new heating system, etc. It will be so exciting to finally have a place of our own! We are so ready for that! The kids are already planning what colors we'll paint their rooms and where we'll build a "giant sandbox" and a "clubhouse!" I'll keep you posted on what happens in the next few weeks. I'm excited about the DISHWASHER! How will I spend my extra hour every day??! Maybe putting my feet up eating bon-bons! How dreamy!

We've pretty much been hibernating since it's been frigid this week and CJ's had the van. (Read major cabin-fever!) We are still trying to figure out what to do vehicle-wise. Our van is now leaking power-steering fluid and will not pass inspection this month. Buying a house with 2 bum cars? Yeah. That's stressful! But opportunity knocked! I'm sure God will help us sort it out. He always does.

CJ is sitting on a plane right now in Chicago. I guess they are waiting for a gate to open and no one is moving- they can't get gas because the gas lines are frozen! He went for his first drill weekend with his new unit out there. Each month he'll fly there for drill instead of going to Massachusetts. He'll be working in civil affairs which he feels should be more fulfilling than his previous job.

This week has been a wild one in terms of the kids' health. I have been so frustrated trying to figure out why Charlotte is "stuck" on the diet and not able to progress. I re-read the GAPS book and found the impetus to just move forward even in the presence of symptoms. According to the doctor, since the gut is so permeable, it's just going to continue reacting to whatever you give it until the gut seals and heals. So my thought is- let's just add in all the nourishing foods and see how she does. Unless her symptoms are unmanageable, maybe pushing through is what we need to do right now. In the past, this approach hasn't worked for her, hence our painstaking dance of adding one new food at a time, only to end up removing it after awhile.

So this week I threw caution to the wind and simmered her meat stock with onions, garlic, carrots, celery, and squash. I've also given her beets, turnip, pork, zucchini, sauerkraut juice, and a probiotic. I expected this week to be a nightmare- but she has done amazingly well! Praise God! Her skin is a mess, but she has been sleeping pretty well and she hasn't been too grumpy. In the past she would be up ALL night with pain, had diarrhea, eczema, and she was extremely clingy, grumpy, irritable, and irrational. Not too long ago we tried zucchini again and it was about a week of symptoms and her glued to my hip, (both of us miserable). SO- I consider this major progress! Unless she starts regressing, I'm going to keep going! It's been 10 [long] months- so even though we have been "spinning our wheels," so it's seemed- obviously some REAL HEALING has been taking place under the surface, since her body is handling this mother-load of changes really beautifully overall. I can't tell you how excited she's been about seeing some variety on her plate. She keeps bragging to Parker about what she's eating! It is so much fun and fills me with hope that maybe we've been on the right track after all and all the doubts and fears I've had are starting to slip away. Not to mention, she is growing, beautiful, funny, sweet, loving, and smart. I am so impressed that she will sit and make up stories as she looks through books, makes up conversations with her baby dolls, sings songs, and draws pictures and explains them to me. I look at those chubby cheeks and her silly cheese face and just melt. I am so blessed to be her mother, and she is worth every speck of trouble and more!

Parker. Parker. Parker! Yes, I'm also incredibly blessed to be HIS mother. But I fear I'm totally under-qualified! :) Our little man is one of a kind. Let me share his progress with you.

After about 3 weeks on the Intro diet, I moved Parker back to the Full GAPS diet. I can tell that the taste bud re-set really works. I never thought I'd see the day when he'd move beyond peanut butter toast with banana and try new foods. His mind was so rigidly against trying anything new. He's now eating, asking for, and enjoying foods he never ate before. Applesauce, blueberries, pork, carrots, GAPS muffins and breads, etc. Our food battles still happen, but where dinnertime used to be a 2 1/2 hour ordeal, has only taken about 11/2 hours a night this week. Tonight he whined at first about the meatloaf I made with zucchini and onion, but after a few minutes he tried a bite, then he gobbled up the whole serving and ASKED me to make it again tomorrow! This from a child who NEVER really seemed to enjoy food before! I was floored. He still wants his soups pureed but at least he's eating them, and all the veggies are cleverly hidden that way! He's gained a pound and a half in the past month- which is a pretty big deal for him! So I consider this a lot of progress also, even though we are still struggling in many ways.

In all my spare time I'm researching and trying to figure out how to best help him. I stayed up till 1am talking on the phone last night with a fellow mom who has helped her son progress in amazing ways. I hear over and over on the GAPS support group site that the diet has healed kids with everything from FPIES, to EoE, to non-verbal autism, to schizophrenia, to healing life-threatening allergies, and more. But it was fascinating to actually talk to another mom over the phone who has been in the trenches and is coming out victorious on the other side.

I suspect that in order to really help Parker we'll need to do some supplementing in addition to the diet, and help his body to detox and regroup (and I suspect Charlotte will need help in this way too). I am busy trying to determine the best products to add to the mix. As soon as funds are available I'll move forward with some of this. From what I read Parker is really struggling with histamines and this will be something I continue to monitor and research. I'm also learning about how nutrient levels affect body functions- for example, the body needs B6 and zinc to break down the histamine in the body. Unchecked histamine levels in the body can affect the brain, moods, etc. All these little tidbits of information end up on my endless "to-study" list, and are starting blocks for more research.

I'm really after the root cause of all of this. I want the kids to heal and move forward- happy, healthy, and well-adjusted, rather than deal with health issues or labels for the rest of their lives. God willing, we'll get there! As always, we appreciate your prayers and thank you for sharing this journey with us!

Sunday, December 21, 2014

It's a...

BOY!

I forgot to mention, we're having another little guy! Our ultrasound showed a healthy-looking and active baby. We're thankful and excited. Charlotte is still in denial that we're not having a "bebe gurl," but Parker is overjoyed that "he was right!"

I'm now in my 21st week of pregnancy and my morning sickness seems to be mostly gone! I injured my back a couple weeks ago and was having a lot of cramps and back pain, but Baby is fine and we're doing better now. Never a dull moment!

Now to decide on his name, gather baby things, and spend the next months getting steadily bigger and rounder and waddle-eyer! ;)

Parker Starts "Intro"

I am writing to ask for prayers and wisdom for us as we try to help Parker. He started the Intro diet about 10 days ago. This means he is starting at the basics just like Charlotte- broths, meats, veggies. You gradually add in things over time.

Our reasoning behind doing something this drastic with him is that push came to shove. For those of you who know him, you know that Parker is an incredibly smart, creative, and loving child. But he is also close-minded when it comes to trying new things; he knows what he wants and there is little flexibility for other options. I don't want to say bad things about him, because there isn't anyone besides the good Lord and CJ who love him like I do... but I will say he is an incredibly challenging and demanding child.

We have struggled immensely with behavior and attitude issues. It is hard to determine what is "typical" 4 year-old boy behavior, what is willful sin, what is beyond his control, and what is a result of our circumstances. We've seen what a drastic benefit in cutting out sugars and grains- I really suspect diet may be playing a role in this.

To say things have been stressful is about the understatement of the year. I have never been this stressed. Trying to manage Charlotte's diet and symptoms, being pregnant and sick, and dealing with Parker's ups and downs, has been all-consuming. I need to do something to work towards more peace in our household. And if GAPS is the way to do that, I have nothing else to lose (okay, maybe just my sanity)!

And maybe GAPS is not the answer. But at least we will be able to figure that out. At the least it can only help since it's a diet of nourishing, clean foods, albeit limiting in the beginning. Plus, GAPS is supposed to help heal allergies, such as Parker's egg and dairy sensitivities. Maybe he will grow so that he's actually on the growth charts!

The beginning of the diet is so intense because it "starves" your body for all the foods it's used to getting- for Parker the things we omitted were starches and sugars found in bananas and sprouted grain bread, and the harder-to-digest nut butters. This means your body can go through a stage of "detox." This sounds wacky, but it's real (I've experienced it and it's not fun at all). Anything good that you add into your body goes to battle against the "bad guys" of the gut. As the bad guys die off, you get uncomfortable symptoms. For Parker this has included some intense vomiting, lethargy, wetting the bed at night, and erratic behavior. The body is trying to flush the toxins out any way it can. It's hard to feel good about doing the diet when you see your child like this.

We have been reassured it's all a normal part of the process, and is a sign that healing is taking place. However, we've been told to buckle up our seat-belts, because it can be a very shaky ride for the first month or more. The rule is that things get worse (sometimes much worse) before they get better. But there is the hope that they will get better.

We plan on seeking help because already we are already overwhelmed and are not sure quite how to best help Parker. Before we started the diet he was constantly scratching at his face and his cheeks were red and rashy. (Another clue that something he's been eating may be triggering behaviors or unrest in his body.)

A few days ago I was eating an orange and Parker was curious. He wanted to smell it. Then lick it. I asked him if he wanted to taste it. Even though he didn't, he agreed to let me juice it and he willingly drank the juice. Since then he's actually EATEN some oranges. This is a MAJOR deal. He is never, ever, interested in trying new foods. For him not to freak out about the texture and to be asking for more really impressed us. Going through the Intro diet is supposed to help "reboot" the taste buds, causing the kids to be more accepting of new tastes. This seemed like a great sign to us- even though oranges are a very advanced food and not technically allowed on the beginning of the diet, we rejoiced in the victory, rather than worrying about proceeding through the diet perfectly.

But then Parker woke up again vomiting today. He was moving his tongue around weirdly in his mouth and said it was scratchy. His cheeks were blotchy and pink. I gave him some Benadryl, worrying that he was having an allergic reaction.

Since this didn't happen the first time few times he ate oranges, I'm not sure if he has a real allergy to oranges. It seems more like this is a histamine intolerance. We deal with this to some degree with Charlotte. When you consume a lot of high histamine foods (to include oranges), your "bucket" fills up. When it's full, you get symptoms. A histamine issue is a big deal on GAPS. It means a lot more work and a lot longer generally for healing. I am groaning over here. A histamine issue is a monster.

We really need to consult some experts to figure out how to proceed. We have been asking for recommendations on the facebook group for a practitioner who specializes in working with kids like Parker. Hopefully we will find one soon and be able to speak with them. We also want to have some allergy testing and bloodwork done to determine if his vitamin/mineral levels are healthy, etc. We need to establish some sort of baseline and get some professionals on board to help us.

I hesitated about sharing all this because it's really hard to explain. I feel like people who know and love Parker either think he's A) normal, and his parents make mountains out of molehills B) a bit high strung but surely he'll grow out of it C) he's plain naughty, and this must be the result of some parenting flaw D) he's out of control E) what are you talking about? This child is brilliant.

It's hard to explain the weight of the stress level we have right now. What do you do all day? Why don't you call me back? How come you never come visit?

My days lately consist of bouncing from one tantrum to the next meltdown, spending hours in the kitchen trying to make healthy foods which my children reject, cry, whine, complain over, and eventually take 2.5 hours to eat. Planning to leave the house means cooking and packing enough food for them both. When we do leave the house, we often have to leave where we've gone due to some sort of meltdown. This is embarrassing and exhausting. They spend lots of time in detox baths to calm them down. In between I do the normal chores and enjoy the "ups" of the day- reading lots of books, doing crafts, playing, and trying to spend as much time doing positive things with the kids and enjoying the giggles and games.

When I'm through with all this, I'm exhausted. There isn't much left for anyone or anything else. It is physically and emotionally draining. I feel guilty about this, but I know my energies right now need to be focused on the health and healing of our family. But it's hard to explain this. It's easier to shrug it off and pretend it's not that big a deal. But really, it is. I think it's important for me to be honest about it so that it might help some to understand. After all, isn't this the point of our blog?

I really wonder sometimes why we struggle with such basic things as food, when I see kids around me slurping up sugary drinks laced with red-40 and eating mac & cheese. We simply aren't like that. For some reason, my children cannot do that. I've been forced to read and research, and to a certain extent, turn into a hippie health freak for the sake of our family's health. Maybe sometimes I take things too far. But it's hard to be laid back when you have the responsibility of knowing the facts. So just a request- if you aren't walking in our shoes, please try not to judge us as total wackos, and try to understand we're just trying to help our kids.

This totally depresses me that our life is so "heavy" right now. I yearn for peace, lightness, and the joy that seems to be zapped so often lately. I hope this post doesn't depress you, too! We need to get to a better place. How I love to be positive and let things go, laugh off the stressful times, and all that good stuff. But sometimes life is really HARD. But after the valleys and uphill climb there is always the refreshing and rejuvenating view of the mountaintop, right?

Above all, we need God to intervene. We desperately need His wisdom and guidance. We need the patience He gives, and the grace when we fail. I can't be responsible for "fixing" these kids or all our problems. It's way too much pressure and it's impossible. So I ask you to join me in petitioning God to do the work we cannot do. As always, we thank you for listening and loving us through this.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

God Provides in Funny Ways

It's a cold winter afternoon in Maine. I am sitting on the couch, admiring our pretty Christmas tree, with 90% of its ornaments on the bottom branches, and listening to the not-napping chattering of Charlotte upstairs in her crib. CJ is at drill this weekend in Massachusetts, and I'm sure Parker is keeping his Grampa and Grammie J busy this afternoon. My master plan was to also take a nap, but that doesn't look like it's in the cards today. So I might as well update the blog a bit.

Charlotte's health has been up and down. I'm trying to figure out what she's been reacting to lately- she hasn't been herself (grumpy, not sleeping well, fussy) and she's been having diarrhea a lot. I pulled all her veggies to see what might be the culprit. So she's eating just her broth, venison, turkey, beef, and sweet potato at the moment.

I'm trying to focus more on Parker's health and we're working on getting him to eat more things. He is very stubborn and unwilling to try new foods. We borrowed a mini blender from my mom and for some reason he's happier to eat his soups in puree form. Yum. So I've been able to hide a good amount of meats, lentils, and veggies that way.

I'm 19 weeks along with Baby3! My ultrasound is tomorrow so we're all excited to "go see the baby on TV." My morning sickness seemed to taper off, but it's been back with a vengeance this weekend, so... I'll just take each day as it comes. I'm still eating GAPS foods, with sourdough bread, and sometimes sprouted grains. Hopefully this will help Baby to be as healthy as possible. Good thing ultimately God's in control and not me. Some days all I can manage is some toast and peanut butter!

I went out hunting with my brother every chance I got trying to get Charlotte a deer for our freezer. Despite my diligence, I didn't see a buck. My big belly was making it harder to waddle in the deep snow towards the end and I sat out there freezing a couple days. My friend Lori specifically asked her church for prayers that I'd be able to get a deer. Well...

Hunting with my niece Bailey and brothers Tommy and Kevin

Right before rifle season came to a close, we had to put our van into the garage. So early the next morning we all piled into the car to drive CJ to work. There we were, cruising down 111 on our way to Biddeford going 55 mph. Suddenly a huge buck ran right in front of us. CJ swerved into the other lane (thank God there was no one there, especially since we were at the top of a hill), but we couldn't avoid the collision. None of us were hurt, but the deer was not so fortunate!

While we waited for the warden to arrive, we checked out the car. The hood was smashed, and a headlight, but the bumper was still intact. The car was smoking and smelling a bit, but honestly, we thought maybe we had only injured the deer and that it probably just took off. CJ went out into the woods and ventured up the road a bit. The deer had ran up into a nearby dirt driveway and died right there. It did not suffer long, and we didn't even have to pull it out of the woods! This wasn't just a little deer- this was a 220 pound buck with a 7 point, 24-inch rack!

Tommy enviously reaches for the rack!

The state police came and asked if we wanted it. Um, yes! My brother came with his truck to clean it out for us and take it back to his house to hang. Gary came to bring CJ to work and followed us home to make sure we were alright in the car. Unfortunately we didn't have the insurance on the car to cover the damage since it's an old car and not worth very much. We're not sure how/if we can fix it, so for now we're down to just the van (which also needs major work). So we might have two bum vehicles, but we have meat in our freezer for Charlotte!

Then! Then we got a call that a hunter in our friends' hunting club had some meat to donate. When we opened up the cooler we discovered that almost an entire deer was there! I'm standing there in the kitchen suddenly wondering where we're going to put this meat (since the beef we ordered arrived and was stocked in our freezer), when I hear my phone beeping that I have a text message from CJ. God had that covered, too! "I think I found us another freezer." A woman CJ works with had a big chest freezer she wanted to get rid of, and she even delivered it to us!

I cut the deer up myself with Kevin's help in our kitchen! (Charlotte, when you're old, please never say I never did anything for you!) Hardly any meat was spoiled from the one we hit! We worked about 9 hours butchering and then had to call it a night. What a lot of work! Good thing Kevin brought my niece Bailey who was a huge help taking care of the kids! My brother even graciously offered to finish cutting it up for us, and my niece Kenadee helped. CJ helped us make up the roasts and run the hamburg through my grandparents' meat grinder. Welcome to Charlotte's Meat Market!

I am still shaking my head and laughing at the craziness of it all. Yep, God answered our prayer for meat alright-- except next time maybe we'll be a bit more specific about the method of obtaining said meat!!!

When all the stress of costs, preparing food, cooking, coaxing the kids to eat, watching them like hawks to make sure they don't eat something they shouldn't, and playing detective with their symptoms, gets to me, I have to remember God is good. He is really, really good. He has shown me He's walking this path with us in so many real and tangible ways, how can I doubt his love for us? When our patience wears thin and our energy is low, He holds us up. When we are fearful and worry, He comforts us. When we don't have, He gives. It might not be in the way we expect, but He always comes through. He keeps His promises, and He keeps us in His arms. There is nowhere I'd rather be.

I am humbled He is working through our lives and I pray that our testimony will touch the lives of people around us. It's hard to understand why we struggle with things, why life sometimes seems unfair and you can't catch a break. Why some people suffer and others do not. It's a lonely world, and who truly cares about the cares hidden in our hearts? If anything I say resonates with you let it be this- God is real, and He cares. Someday He will make all things clear to us, but for now, it really doesn't matter why Charlotte's sick. What matters is that He is working in this situation, and to Him be the glory.

Our Amazing Bake Sale

My dear friend Lori was the brains and the braun behind another amazing fund-raiser for Charlotte. She and their church, Pleasant Hill Baptist Church in Hollis hosted a beautiful bake sale in October.

My wonderful friend, Lori, who was behind all of this!

Lori made the decorations using Charlotte's favorite colors, yellow and purple! The tables in the church were decorated with flowers and balloons, and there was a cute big banner. She went above and beyond and everything looked fabulous! Everything was wrapped and packaged just so, with adorable cow and barn animal tags. She did a lot of baking herself, but friends, some of the ladies from church, neighbors, and many folks we don't even know, baked delicious and fancy treats. They even made little tea wallets and cup cozys. There was everything from homemade granola to baklava to cinnamon rolls to homemade breads to cakes and cookies. I could not believe how many goodies there were, and all all the love that was behind all that baking.

Homemade granola bars

Little tea wallets, cup cozys and coffee bags

Charlotte checks out the table decorations

Look at that spread!

Homemade granola

Bake Sale Banner and tables

Not a ton of people came that day, but the next day folks enjoyed the goodies after church. Yet still, God was generous through His people. When Lori told me, she said she'd started with a goal of $500. Pastor Brian had somewhat laughed at her and said they'd never raised money like that at a bake sale. When she told him how much was raised, over $1,000 (!!) he said this is a reminder that we can never underestimate God. Lori talked about the verse in Malachi where God says, "I will open the windows of Heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won't have enough room to take it in!" (Malachi 3:10) I love this! Jehovah Jireh, my provider!

Parker was happy to know that all the leftover baked goods were donated to a few local fire departments! (He loves fire trucks!)

"Family Helping Charlotte" Yard Sale

I mentioned previously that we had an amazing yard sale to benefit Charlotte back in October. I'm pleased to finally be able to write about it!

My Mom even made us all name tags. Charlotte proudly sticks hers on her belly.

My mom and her husband Lysle had the great idea of hosting a "Family Helping Charlotte" yard sale at their house. They worked hours and hours gathering things from their house and sorting through donations before the big day. We made up a banner and poster, had balloons, and put up signs. My mom made many kinds of cookies and muffins, my nieces made brownies, and we also got donuts to sell. We had hot coffee and tea. We had helpers move furniture and tables for us. Then there were the helpers that day- helping customers, watching the kids, and making it happen!

The day started off cloudy, but as the morning went on, the raindrops started falling. It was chilly and wet, and we had to cover up the tables with tarps. But still, the people kept coming. Once folks learned about Charlotte, they couldn't help but bring something home, and most people gave us more than we asked for. I'd like to share some of my favorite stories from that day.

One man came up to me holding a maraca in his hand, and said, "how much?" I stood there a second, thinking I should just give the old thing away- what would it be worth? Ten cents? Finally I laughed and said, "Whatever you'd like to bring it home for!" He then asked, "Nine?" In my head I'm thinking, nine cents? What? He then hands me nine dollars and walks away. Nine dollars for an old toy maraca?!

My grandmother was helping a lady with a boy who wanted to buy a toy. My grandmother asked for a dollar, and the mother gave her one. Then the little boy held out his five dollar bill to Gram. She told him, "You're all set, your mom just paid for your toy." Then he nodded and said, "I know. This is for Charlotte."

Another young man was looking at our poster that had Charlotte's photo on it which explained that she has serious digestive issues. He asked what she could eat and my grandmother told him meats and green beans. He left, and returned awhile later with three cans of green beans, as well as some things he had at his house that he said he didn't need anymore and we could sell at the yard sale. This guy might have been 20, not much older.

Even though Charlotte can't tolerate green beans anymore, we will keep those green bean cans, as a reminder of his kindness and how God worked in the hearts of people that day to give and care for us. If you come to visit us, Parker might just proudly point out those cans above our kitchen cabinets.

At the end of the day, we still had a ton of stuff left. I had no idea how much money we might have raised, so when Lysle told me I nearly fell over. We raised $940! Praise God! We are so thankful to everyone for helping us with this fund-raiser!