Summer Update

Time for some updates! I apologize for not writing sooner. Life’s been crazy!

Photo Credit: Amie Knight, McKenney Photography

Our biggest news is that Henry Jacob was born April 23^rd! I can’t believe that was 10 weeks ago. This little boy is the most delicious baby- he is seriously SUCH a treat. He is easygoing, content, full of precious smiles, and peaceful. He loves to snuggle and for me to hold him close. He doesn’t mind being smothered with Parker and Charlotte’s kisses. Thankfully the noise and chaos don’t bother him and he’s so mellow. Henry is such a joy!

Health-wise, Henry is doing great! He is growing well and couldn’t be any cuter! I have had mastitis a few times and suspected the lack of sleep and poor latch might have been contributing. I saw a lactation specialist at the hospital and then we took him to a pediatric dentist. He had both a tongue and lip tie reversal that has made a world of difference. He is so healthy! What a blessing! I thank God for this! He sleeps well, nurses well, and tolerates my milk without me needing to avoid foods like I did with Charlotte. (I’m still following the full GAPS diet.) I keep pinching myself- this easy, content baby is MINE? God is good!

Since Henry made his debut life has been busier. It’s been easier in some ways and harder in others than I had anticipated. Both Parker and Charlotte love him and we have not had any issues with jealousy or resentment. They fight over who gets to help change his diaper, help with his bath, or bounce him in his chair. They adore him. They have had to adjust to me not being able to always get up right away if I’m nursing Henry; they are demanding, but they know they need to be patient. It has been exhausting being up with Henry at night as well as Charlotte. Sleep deprivation just makes everything harder. The initial postpartum weeks were a struggle, but I am feeling more like myself now and we are balancing into a new routine. (Some days this seems like a circus act…! But these are all good changes and we are so blessed.)

CJ was away for two separate weeks in June with the Reserves. The first week was a virtual nightmare. Henry was not feeling well after his tongue and lip tie procedures. He was fussy and wanted to be held constantly and Charlotte was sick and up a lot during the nights. Both kids were grumpy and handfuls. Thankfully this past week was not AS rough. Nonetheless, I’m thankful CJ’s back! Parenting is much easier when you can tag team! Now we have the month of July to spend together since CJ will mostly be off from school and only working on a Marine Corps online class at home. Then he will be gone all of August with the Marines. (So pray for my sanity! Hah!)

CJ finished off the school year at the high school and got a glowing report from his supervisors. He works so hard, always well into the night. He seems to be pleased to have switched to his new Reserve unit in Chicago.

Life in our new house is really wonderful. We planted some things in the garden and the kids are enjoying peeking at the veggies growing every day and of course, helping water with the hose! I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to keep up the garden (especially next month when CJ’s gone) but at least I’ll give it a try- we eat so many veggies! (Good thing we signed up for a farm share too!) We built a sand box in the back yard and the kids enjoy playing there and with their bikes and chalk in the driveway. The library and park are short walks from here, which is perfect. I have been working on painting the kids’ bedrooms (note- not the wisest thing to attempt when your husband is gone and you have a newborn!). Charlotte is thrilled with her new purple room and Parker is anxiously waiting for me to finish his “shark gray” room. We have pretty flowers in bloom on our porch and apples, grapes and blueberries ripening out back. I’ve learned how to mow the lawn with Henry in tow- earning a notch on my homeowner belt! Our neighbors have been great and we’ve had lots of family and friends visiting over the past couple of months. We're enjoying getting out as much as we can exploring and enjoying the summer.

Parker turned 5 in April. Before Henry was born we hosted a pirate-themed birthday party for him. He loved it. He is learning so much these days from books we check out at the library. Every day he wants to study something new. He is an expert on whales, sharks, chameleons, snakes, and many more animals. He likes to pretend to be a different creature every day. One day he said, “I like to eat small animals!” CJ and I looked at each other- you know, one of those parenting moments when you start to worry about your kid! Then we realized he was pretending to be a hawk! He is our funny guy and he keeps me on my toes! He is constantly drawing and he is so creative. We still struggle with attitudes and I have to keep a close eye on what Parker is eating because food certainly plays a huge role in his behavior!

Charlotte’s now 2.5 and she’ll put up two fingers if you ask her. This girl is such a whippersnapper! She’s got spunk and sass and she can hold her own with Parker and often puts him in his place. “Charlotte, will you help me clean up?” “I will—if you say please!” She loves wearing dresses and changing them frequently throughout the day. She loves Cinderella and Belle and is determined to be a princess when she grows up. She loves dancing, playing dress up, and playing with her baby dolls. A true girly-girl, which I guess is okay since she has no problem getting dirty playing outside! I’m pleased to report that she is now toilet-trained too. (Thanks Grampa for those Cinderella underwear!)

Charlotte’s health hasn’t been great for a while now. We really have been scraping by for a few months. I mentioned before the sleep deprivation- on average I’m up with her 4-6 times a night. During the day we have had a lot of issues with tantrums and bad attitudes, and at night when she slows down she is just very restless, her belly hurts, and she cries out in her sleep a lot. Her rashes and eczema come and go and she often has diarrhea.

We have let her diet slack quite a bit because of finances and simply because it’s so hard and so much work to follow GAPS by the book all the time. She was eating some fruits (which I’ve stopped giving her now) and she does eat sweet potatoes often. (Those would be considered “cheats” or more advanced foods.) It is so much easier, portable, and cheaper (!!) to give her a 20 cent banana as opposed to a steak! But I think we’re paying the price for this, because her belly is still causing her pain and it’s causing her to act out during the day and not sleep at night.

It’s hard to walk the line of normalcy- what is purely toddler misbehavior and what is a genuine food reaction? I am so frustrated at needing to read into every little symptom and behavior- I always second guess myself and never know if I’m being an obsessive mother and making mountains out of molehills, or if I should be paying better attention. I know I’ve said it before, but I feel like I need to be a detective. Trying to figure this all out is so challenging (and filled with self-doubt and worry for me). I have spent many months just wishing this would all go away and pretending I’m just overreacting. But she’s NOT fine, and I know we need to be diligent and keep trying to heal her belly. 

I’m attempting now to bring her back to “baseline” with a very limited diet (not that it was very broad! She was eating maybe 15 foods.) to see if she can stabilize. So these days she’s mostly only eating beef, venison, turkey, broth, zucchini and sweet potato. I’m keeping a food log again (ugh) and will try to re-introduce foods one at a time to see which are causing her to be miserable. We have had a few horrid failed food trials lately (duck eggs and goat milk) that really set her back. Sometimes her bad reactions take a week or more to clear from her system.

I’ve had a few people suggest we stop “all the hippie” treatments and turn to the medical professionals. Maybe it’s time, they say, if this isn’t working. While I appreciate the honesty and concern, I just don’t see how that would help her. I feel like the medical professionals we’ve seen just don’t know what to say or do with kids like Charlotte. Yes, we could have them do a scope and biopsies, which may or may not give us concrete answers. But regardless of what they find or don’t find, she still can’t tolerate foods. I’m still not okay with just giving her elemental formulas, and I certainly don’t want to give her experimental medicines that have scary side effects.

Even though it doesn’t seem like curing her through foods is working, you have to admit she spent almost a year eating only meat and broth… and now she can tolerate many more foods than that. And often her symptoms are less drastic than they used to be. I think she’s come a long way, but in the day-to-day grind it doesn’t seem like it. I know we need to be patient, but it’s not easy. I would love an easy, quick fix! It has already been 16 months since we started.

This diet and lifestyle is incredibly expensive and time-consuming. It means I freshly prepared every single food that passes the kids’ lips from scratch. (And it’s not like I can carb them up with pasta or bread- so they’re bottomless pits!)

As an attempt to help contribute financially I’ve recently become a skincare consultant for Rodan + Fields. This is something I never thought I’d do! Other than watching extra kids in our home (honestly, I can hardly handle our own kids!) I couldn’t think of a way to earn extra money to help pay for Charlotte’s medical costs and diet. Being a consultant with Rodan + Fields will allow me to work whenever I have a free moment nursing Henry, or after the kids are in bed. I don’t have to host parties, have an inventory, and products are shipped directly to the customers. I have two friends who have been working for a year and they kept encouraging me to join since they have been successful at helping their families.

I thought, no way, I’m too busy washing little-people faces than worrying about my own! When people see me, they probably see this disheveled zombie mother who does NOT look like a walking billboard for a skincare company! Plus we avoid chemicals, medicines, and all things processed, so I was worrying I’d be compromising my “earth mamma” values. I worried about what people would think of me trying to sell products on Facebook.

I wanted to take a moment to explain why I’ve suddenly been posting tons of things on Facebook! The company started in high-end retail stores but pulled out to do direct sales instead. They realized that so much business is done in this day and age through social media and word of mouth. People try something; they like it and share it with friends- whether it’s a restaurant review or considering which products to buy. They have had great success with this marketing- in fact; they don’t spend any money advertising- yet every year they have millions of free press because people are talking about this company!

Since I’ve stated, I’ve actually become genuinely excited about it- still nervous- but excited! R + F is the 4^th largest skincare company in the US after only 7 years. The three companies ahead have been in business for decades- and they are the fastest growing skincare company for the 6 ^th year in a row. They are ranked one of the top beauty companies in the world. They just launched in Canada and have plans to go global. The company was started by the same two doctors who created Proactiv- the #1 acne line in the world!  

Plus, their products are amazing. They have a 60-day empty-bottle money back guarantee. I have only been using the products for a short time but my skin feels so much healthier. I have struggled with dry, flaky skin all my life and now my skin feels soft and smooth. They have 4 main skin regimens which essentially bring dermatology into the home- everything from acne to rosacea, to psoriasis to wrinkles can be improved with R + F products.

So, I definitely think it was a smart business move to partner with a company that has the best quality products on the market, is growing by leaps and bounds, and they have all sorts of trainings and folks to help me learn as I go. I am excited to see where this leads in the future. There are so many success stories of how joining this business has helped people with skincare problems and also helped consultants have financial freedom. I am grateful for the opportunity! If any of you are interested in learning more, I’d be happy to share!

I think that sums up all our news right now. As always, we covet your prayers and appreciate your support and love! Thanks for the listening ears and caring hearts. It makes the challenging days seem less lonesome when I know other people are praying for us and care about our precious family. Thank you! I hope you are all having a healthy and happy summer so far!

Home Sweet Home!

A Year on GAPS

March 2nd was our one year anniversary since starting the GAPS diet. Man. One whole year. When I think of all the things we've been through, all the changes, and things we've learned, my little head spins. I think it's time for a recap and a chance to share all our updates with you. 

CHARLOTTE:

Looking back to when we started this journey, Charlotte had less than 10 "safe" foods and the list was dwindling every week. She was miserable. I was exhausted and scared. The sleepless nights, the rashes, the eczema, the diarrhea, the lack of answers and the weariness of it all, was taking its toll. The doctors suggested doing invasive tests, suspecting she had EGID (Eosinophilic Gastrointestinal Disorder) or FPIES (Food Protein Induced Entercolitis Syndrome). Through the research we did, we learned that if Charlotte had these issues, they likely weren't going to just go away. We would be looking at elemental formulas, repeated scopes and biopsies, or drugs with side effects we were very uncomfortable with. In essence, there might be the chance of "managing" what was going on, but not healing. I wanted her future to be brighter than that.

Our research led us to starting the GAPS diet. Charlotte has been on the Introductory diet, I have been on the Full diet, and Parker's done both. (CJ eats whatever I feed him, the trooper!) Specifically with Charlotte, she spent the majority of this year with an EXTREMELY limited diet. Up until a couple of months ago she was surviving on some meats (grass-fed, organic beef, organic turkey, venison, organic pork and organic lamb when we could get it) and the meat stock made from simmering the bones. She went through stages of tolerating some vegetables (rutabagas, leeks, etc) but after awhile these all proved to be problematic. We finally veered off the strict GAPS path and introduced sweet potato. That has been a staple food for her for many months. Although it's technically not allowed on the GAPS diet because it's starchy, we needed SOMEthing that would satiate her and give her additional nutrients. We may be prolonging healing by giving her certain foods, but right now we're doing the best we can.

In the past month or two I've gotten more and more bold at allowing her new foods. With the craziness of life, the expense of the diet, and the fact she's getting older and it's getting harder to limit everything, we're currently muddling through, giving her foods which we have and will cause the least consequence. This means she's now eating some zucchini, onion, garlic, green beans, carrots, beets, apple, banana, blueberries and pear.

This is not to say she's eating all these and everything is going perfectly, but it means she's not 100% miserable 100% of the time. She still sleeps very poorly most nights (generally up at least 3 times on a good night, 6 times on a bad night), has her "hurt belly" days where she's clingy and an emotional train wreck. Her stools remain unformed and foul, often with undigested foods. But we have noticed an improvement with less skin rashes and less diarrhea. We're making progress; that's the important thing. And let's face it, she's chubby, she's smart, she's exceeding all the developmental milestones. Somehow, she's getting what she needs, and her body and mind are growing well. Everyone's immune systems seem to be stronger. We've had no infections besides minor colds this past year. Charlotte no longer seems to catch everything going around, for which I'm so thankful. Whenever she was sick it always set her back so much and took so much out of her.

PARKER:

We started Parker on the diet later in the year, first with Full GAPS, then spending a short time on Intro, then back to the Full diet again. Without going into full details, I will say that whenever we've tried to veer off the diet, we see a drastic change for the worse. Overall Parker's moods, attitudes and behaviors have been more even-keel. We still struggle though many of our days, but I think we're on the right track. I hope in time we will be able to focus more efforts and money into his health through specific supplements and treatments to help rid his body of toxins and imbalances and help him to shine as the great boy we know he is. He's grown since starting the diet, adding about 5 pounds and 2 inches in just a few months (maybe next time he'll actually be on the growth charts!). He has finally had more of an open mind to expand his diet to include more foods which for us is a huge victory.


ELLIE:

I started Full GAPS since I was nursing Charlotte and she was reacting to so many things through my milk. Her diet was so limited I felt it was necessary to nurse her longer. I finally weaned her when she was almost 2. I remember meeting with our first GAPS practitioner at the start of all this. He looked over my food log and told me I needed to say goodbye to brownies, or whatever treat I'd listed on there. He told me I could substitute fruit with walnuts and honey. CJ and I looked at each other, and I had a good mind to punch him in the nose. I can say I never would have given up my homemade bread, cookies, and other goodies if I hadn't been nursing. But I can honestly say that I really don't mind now, except for the rare craving. I enjoy eating healthy, my body likes it, and when I stray I don't feel well. It's been a good change. It's certainly opened my eyes as to how to care for my family by cooking and preparing healthy meals. I miss the ease and convenience (and cheapness!) of buying a $0.99 box of pasta, having a bowl of cereal, or enjoying a big slice of cake, but I'm still alive (trust me, I had my serious doubts at first!!)

Since we're expecting baby Henry, I've continued on the diet to do everything within my control to ensure good health for him. I am now 32 weeks pregnant and looking forward to meeting our newest blessing. Of course, we're praying for him to be as healthy as a little horse. But that lies in God's hands, and not mine. I've had to let go of those fears and trust that God knows what is best, and He's proven He'll be with us no matter what. We are all anticipating his arrival and hope that the transition will be as smooth and joyful as possible.

OUR FAMILY:

 CJ graduated with his degree in school counseling in May and did very well in his program. He spent the summer feverishly submitting application after application. God did not provide for us until the very last minute- but He seemed to put CJ in just the right place. He's doing well at his job (everyone loves him) and as he will tell everyone who asks, he's "not bored." He jumped through some hoops and was able to transfer to a new Reserve unit with the Marines. He now travels to Chicago once a month (instead of western MA). His new unit is civil affairs, so he hopes this will allow him to do more real-world humanitarian jobs.

In the past year, we've moved from campus to CJ's parents' house, to an apartment, and now to our very own home. After a very stressful buying process, we closed on our house in the middle of February. Moving when it's sub-zero and pregnant wouldn't rate high on my bucket list- but God's timing is always better than our own. Thankfully we had lots of great helpers with the move process! It's been a whirlwind of packing, unpacking, organizing, cleaning, and trying to find our new normal. I have a to-do list a mile long, but I'm not sure how realistic it is that I'll complete it before Henry is born (and certainly not after!!). We feel like we're in a mansion after being in a 400 square foot apartment for 2.5 years. Our house is more than we ever dreamed; it's a blessing God's lavished on us. This house actually was owned by CJ's grandparents until 2005. His mom grew up here. So it is very special in many ways. It's clean, bright, roomy, and has a charm all its own. And it's OURS. It is a beautiful 1920's 5-bedroom house that has been well taken care of. We look forward to discovering what lies under all the snow this spring in the backyard! (When WILL all that snow melt?! This has been the endless winter, with frigid temps and snow. We have been cooped up inside most of the time, so we're ready for spring to arrive!)

I wish I could say just how much we've spent on this journey in the past year. Thousands and thousands of dollars. How we've done this while CJ was in grad school full time and now working as a public school employee, I don't know. God's provided, is all I can say, despite bonuses falling through, unexpected things coming up, and two vehicles which checked into hospice care. We finally have a reliable vehicle now, which is a huge burden lifted. It still makes me smile to think about the wonderful yard sale and bake sale we had which helped us obtain a lot of Charlotte's meats.

WHAT WE'VE LEARNED:

Healing is a process. I wish that it was something that could take place overnight. It's been a one step forward, three steps back kind of progress, which at times has been discouraging, overwhelming, and downright cruel. Our year has been filled with struggles, detox, symptoms, and far too little sleep. I haven't always been so confident about what we're doing. It's hard to learn everything and put it into practice. It's been confusing and challenging to make all these decisions (especially with children too small to effectively communicate their symptoms). But it has also been a beautiful reminder that God has been with us through it all.

We've learned that God keeps His promises. He always comes through. He's always trustworthy. He's always faithful. When the storms keep pounding, He's the anchor ensuring our little boat isn't swept under. God has provided for us in the wildest of ways. He hasn't given us ample, but He's given us just exactly what we need just in the nick of time. He's there even when my mind is full, my tasks are many, my responsibilities are great, and my talk and walk with Him is not all I'd like it to be. He gives me gentleness and understanding in this season.

We've seen the marvelous ways in which God has used other people to extend a hand to us during this time. In big ways and small ways, we've been supported, loved, and cared for. We are SO thankful for all the prayers and help. How could we have made it through without you??

We've learned crazy things like how to cook chicken feet, and how to suck the marrow out of bones. I literally have 16 livers in my freezer. I probably could have filled a swimming pool with the amount of broth I've made. If ever a robber comes in, I have a vast array of cast iron pans to knock him out cold. I traipsed through the woods as stealthily as a pregnant mama can through snow and ice in search of Bambi day after day, looking like a sorry version of Elmer Fudd. There have been butchered deer legs in my kitchen sink. I've personally cut and wrapped the venison in our freezer. It's not weird anymore to smear raw honey all over your face (to moisturize) or swish coconut oil around in your mouth for 20 minutes (oil-pulling). Your husband still thinks you're beautiful even when you smile at him while brushing your teeth with activated charcoal (think black!) Library books have a tendency to get wet, since they get splashed so often tub-side while the kids soak in their detox baths. The kids beg me to buy more of their "bath salts" (Epsom salts) at the store, providing lots of funny looks. They cry when they have to put their coveted grocery items on the belt to pay- frozen peas and bags of blueberries (no M&M meltdowns in this family). Sometimes Charlotte gets confused because she doesn't know if she has "mawwow" (marrow) on her face, or a smeared booger. The jars of homemade "weird" stuff like fermenting vegetables, broth, sour 24-hour yogurt, and kefir are threatening to take over my refrigerator. I can stomach the taste of fermented cod liver oil (just barely). Weekly cooking marathons till 1am are commonplace. I should probably get some kind of honorary degree for the hours of research I've done this year. I have acquired eagle eyes, watching to ensure Charlotte does not lick the soap solution off her hands after popping bubbles, or snack on a tempting Play-doh morsel- this makes me kind of a freak, but live and learn. I can hide practically any vegetable known to man by pureeing the daylights out of it. I have come face to face with broccoli bugs and ingested far too many for my comfort level. I am a boo-boo kissing, distraction-tactic expert who knows just which songs to sing or way to rock the kids so that they feel better. My favorite new thing about our new house is my "Dream Machine" (dishwasher)- this baby saves me an hour of washing dishes every day! We now load up on natural good fats instead of fearing them. My whole mindset towards health has changed from all the things I learned growing up. I am considering my next career to be a detective; trying to decipher symptoms is equitable with some serious code-cracking. We gave special broth cups in the kids Christmas stockings. I know lots of local farmers by name. I can pack enough food to get us to the moon each and every time we set foot out our door (though it's never quite enough to satisfy the kids until we return home). I get extremely grumpy and covetous about sleep. I have a medicine cabinet full of "hippie witchcraft bullcrap" (according to CJ) and know how to use homeopathy and essential oils to cure much of what ails us. Charlotte will let you in on her beauty secret- greasy broth is a great hair-styling tool. Parker can rock a mean carrot juice mustache. And somehow CJ's survived, even though there have been many nights when he's come home, opened the fridge door, and surveyed the scene... "There's nothing in here to eat but broth!"Surely all these life skills give us some superpower rank? At the very least they bump us into the "hippie health freak weirdo" territory. Ah well.

You can see we've also learned that in order to stay sane, we've got to keep our sense of humor! We've got to keep things in perspective. We can only do so much; we're not the ultimate Healer. Only God is. Following a diet perfectly, living as clean as a whistle- these things will only take us on a road filled with fear, worry and doubt. Doing our best and trusting God with the rest is the road we're traveling. I hope as we keep on plodding along we'll get to spread this crazy testimony of ours.

God bless you for reading, caring and loving us!

True story. Tonight I actually threatened my four year-old that if tomorrow wasn't a better day, I'll be calling a daycare to enroll him. Thanks to the movie Toy Story 3 which he watched with his cousins, he now thinks daycares are miserable places where rejected toys and children go. (Which of course is ridiculous, but I wasn't about to correct him when this was helping me drive my point home!) I think this idea horrified him since he stopped whining long enough to pause and say, "...but I would miss you."

After that I felt guilty and let him have extra snuggles before he went to sleep. Sigh. No mothering awards won here today.

But then I watched his little body give in to sleep, and I marveled at his perfect face, his long lashes, the way his hands curled up to his cheek. And then I fall in love with him all over again. I think motherhood is a complicated tango of trying to not to go insane, and being insanely in love with your children. It's messy, it doesn't always make sense, it's clumsy, and rough around the edges. But it's still a dance, and one I'm thankful I'm in (though I might dance my way to the loony bin in the NEAR future).

I'm so tired of the same battles over and over. Bad attitudes, bad behavior. All I want is a peaceful, happy, healthy home, and days like today that goal laughs in my face. I'm so tired. I LOVE being a mother. I LOVE my children. I love the fact I get to stay home with them. But this isn't always fun. I don't always like it all. I am trying so hard. To the mothers who tell me to "enjoy every minute" while they're young, I'd say, "I'm trying," and also-- "Are you KIDDING ME?!"

I'm not a perfect mother, and I don't know all the answers. I hope that my children will someday know how hard I've worked for them, despite making many mistakes. How much I love them and want the best for them, for us. I'll keep pressing on toward the goal, but I'm keeping it real- some days are a disaster. Hopefully if we can make it through this, we can make it through anything.

Family Update

Let's start with the fun updates! We decided to name our little guy Henry Jacob! The kids are enjoying telling everyone his name and talking about what they think he'll be like-- obviously he'll be really cute! :) I'm now 24 weeks and feeling well. I have been working on his quilt this week and am nearly done.

We're in the process of buying a house! What? Yes! We were finally getting settled in our apartment and had just sorted through everything in the attic, organizing and purging. Everything finally seemed in order. Then I had a dream about us moving into a house and that morning CJ and I sat on the couch, browsing realty sites. CJ saw his grandparents' old house had just been listed. His grandparents owned a house from the 60's- 2005. The couple who bought it after that tried to sell it, but the house ended up going into foreclosure. We knew this was happening last summer, but the house was way out of our price range. However, the person who bought it just wants to flip it so it's listed for a price within our budget. We went to look at it the night of my [30th! Yikes!] birthday and decided to pursue it. We made the offer Monday, and it went under contract yesterday. Our inspections will take place next week. Lord-willing, our closing date is set for February 13th! So surreal!

The house is so roomy (especially considering we were in a 400 square foot apartment for 2 1/2 years)! It's got an open living area and kitchen downstairs, then 2 upper floors with bathrooms and 5 bedrooms! It's not out in the country which we had our hearts set on, but we will be able to have gardens and there is a nice yard and wrap around porch. It's in a great neighborhood and within walking distance to the library and park. Plus right near CJ's family. It was built in 1920 so it's got a lot of charm. In addition to that it's been well cared for- the last owners sank $100,000 into it in repairs, so everything major has been done- roof, windows, insulation, floors, new porch, new heating system, etc. It will be so exciting to finally have a place of our own! We are so ready for that!  The kids are already planning what colors we'll paint their rooms and where we'll build a "giant sandbox" and a "clubhouse!" I'll keep you posted on what happens in the next few weeks. I'm excited about the DISHWASHER! How will I spend my extra hour every day??! Maybe putting my feet up eating bon-bons! How dreamy!

We've pretty much been hibernating since it's been frigid this week and CJ's had the van. (Read major cabin-fever!) We are still trying to figure out what to do vehicle-wise. Our van is now leaking power-steering fluid and will not pass inspection this month. Buying a house with 2 bum cars? Yeah. That's stressful! But opportunity knocked! I'm sure God will help us sort it out. He always does.

CJ is sitting on a plane right now in Chicago. I guess they are waiting for a gate to open and no one is moving- they can't get gas because the gas lines are frozen! He went for his first drill weekend with his new unit out there. Each month he'll fly there for drill instead of going to Massachusetts. He'll be working in civil affairs which he feels should be more fulfilling than his previous job.

This week has been a wild one in terms of the kids' health. I have been so frustrated trying to figure out why Charlotte is "stuck" on the diet and not able to progress. I re-read the GAPS book and found the impetus to just move forward even in the presence of symptoms. According to the doctor, since the gut is so permeable, it's just going to continue reacting to whatever you give it until the gut seals and heals. So my thought is- let's just add in all the nourishing foods and see how she does. Unless her symptoms are unmanageable, maybe pushing through is what we need to do right now. In the past, this approach hasn't worked for her, hence our painstaking dance of adding one new food at a time, only to end up removing it after awhile.

So this week I threw caution to the wind and simmered her meat stock with onions, garlic, carrots, celery, and squash. I've also given her beets, turnip, pork, zucchini, sauerkraut juice, and a probiotic. I expected this week to be a nightmare- but she has done amazingly well! Praise God! Her skin is a mess, but she has been sleeping pretty well and she hasn't been too grumpy. In the past she would be up ALL night with pain, had diarrhea, eczema, and she was extremely clingy, grumpy, irritable, and irrational. Not too long ago we tried zucchini again and it was about a week of symptoms and her glued to my hip, (both of us miserable). SO- I consider this major progress! Unless she starts regressing, I'm going to keep going! It's been 10 [long] months- so even though we have been "spinning our wheels," so it's seemed- obviously some REAL HEALING has been taking place under the surface, since her body is handling this mother-load of changes really beautifully overall. I can't tell you how excited she's been about seeing some variety on her plate. She keeps bragging to Parker about what she's eating! It is so much fun and fills me with hope that maybe we've been on the right track after all and all the doubts and fears I've had are starting to slip away. Not to mention, she is growing, beautiful, funny, sweet, loving, and smart. I am so impressed that she will sit and make up stories as she looks through books, makes up conversations with her baby dolls, sings songs, and draws pictures and explains them to me. I look at those chubby cheeks and her silly cheese face and just melt. I am so blessed to be her mother, and she is worth every speck of trouble and more!

Parker. Parker. Parker! Yes, I'm also incredibly blessed to be HIS mother. But I fear I'm totally under-qualified! :) Our little man is one of a kind. Let me share his progress with you.

After about 3 weeks on the Intro diet, I moved Parker back to the Full GAPS diet. I can tell that the taste bud re-set really works. I never thought I'd see the day when he'd move beyond peanut butter toast with banana and try new foods. His mind was so rigidly against trying anything new. He's now eating, asking for, and enjoying foods he never ate before. Applesauce, blueberries, pork, carrots, GAPS muffins and breads, etc. Our food battles still happen, but where dinnertime used to be a 2 1/2 hour ordeal, has only taken about 11/2 hours a night this week. Tonight he whined at first about the meatloaf I made with zucchini and onion, but after a few minutes he tried a bite, then he gobbled up the whole serving and ASKED me to make it again tomorrow! This from a child who NEVER really seemed to enjoy food before! I was floored. He still wants his soups pureed but at least he's eating them, and all the veggies are cleverly hidden that way! He's gained a pound and a half in the past month- which is a pretty big deal for him! So I consider this a lot of progress also, even though we are still struggling in many ways.

In all my spare time I'm researching and trying to figure out how to best help him. I stayed up till 1am talking on the phone last night with a fellow mom who has helped her son progress in amazing ways. I hear over and over on the GAPS support group site that the diet has healed kids with everything from FPIES, to EoE, to non-verbal autism, to schizophrenia, to healing life-threatening allergies, and more. But it was fascinating to actually talk to another mom over the phone who has been in the trenches and is coming out victorious on the other side.

I suspect that in order to really help Parker we'll need to do some supplementing in addition to the diet, and help his body to detox and regroup (and I suspect Charlotte will need help in this way too). I am busy trying to determine the best products to add to the mix. As soon as funds are available I'll move forward with some of this. From what I read Parker is really struggling with histamines and this will be something I continue to monitor and research. I'm also learning about how nutrient levels affect body functions- for example, the body needs B6 and zinc to break down the histamine in the body. Unchecked histamine levels in the body can affect the brain, moods, etc. All these little tidbits of information end up on my endless "to-study" list, and are starting blocks for more research.

I'm really after the root cause of all of this. I want the kids to heal and move forward- happy, healthy, and well-adjusted, rather than deal with health issues or labels for the rest of their lives. God willing, we'll get there! As always, we appreciate your prayers and thank you for sharing this journey with us!

It's a...

BOY!

I forgot to mention, we're having another little guy! Our ultrasound showed a healthy-looking and active baby. We're thankful and excited. Charlotte is still in denial that we're not having a "bebe gurl," but Parker is overjoyed that "he was right!"

I'm now in my 21st week of pregnancy and my morning sickness seems to be mostly gone! I injured my back a couple weeks ago and was having a lot of cramps and back pain, but Baby is fine and we're doing better now. Never a dull moment!

Now to decide on his name, gather baby things, and spend the next months getting steadily bigger and rounder and waddle-eyer! ;)

Parker Starts "Intro"

I am writing to ask for prayers and wisdom for us as we try to help Parker. He started the Intro diet about 10 days ago. This means he is starting at the basics just like Charlotte- broths, meats, veggies. You gradually add in things over time.

Our reasoning behind doing something this drastic with him is that push came to shove. For those of you who know him, you know that Parker is an incredibly smart, creative, and loving child. But he is also close-minded when it comes to trying new things; he knows what he wants and there is little flexibility for other options. I don't want to say bad things about him, because there isn't anyone besides the good Lord and CJ who love him like I do... but I will say he is an incredibly challenging and demanding child.

We have struggled immensely with behavior and attitude issues. It is hard to determine what is "typical" 4 year-old boy behavior, what is willful sin, what is beyond his control, and what is a result of our circumstances. We've seen what a drastic benefit in cutting out sugars and grains- I really suspect diet may be playing a role in this.

To say things have been stressful is about the understatement of the year. I have never been this stressed. Trying to manage Charlotte's diet and symptoms, being pregnant and sick, and dealing with Parker's ups and downs, has been all-consuming. I  need to do something to work towards more peace in our household. And if GAPS is the way to do that, I have nothing else to lose (okay, maybe just my sanity)!

And maybe GAPS is not the answer. But at least we will be able to figure that out. At the least it can only help since it's a diet of nourishing, clean foods, albeit limiting in the beginning. Plus, GAPS is supposed to help heal allergies, such as Parker's egg and dairy sensitivities. Maybe he will grow so that he's actually on the growth charts!

The beginning of the diet is so intense because it "starves" your body for all the foods it's used to getting- for Parker the things we omitted were starches and sugars found in bananas and sprouted grain bread, and the harder-to-digest nut butters. This means your body can go through a stage of "detox." This sounds wacky, but it's real (I've experienced it and it's not fun at all). Anything good that you add into your body goes to battle against the "bad guys" of the gut. As the bad guys die off, you get uncomfortable symptoms. For Parker this has included some intense vomiting, lethargy, wetting the bed at night, and erratic behavior. The body is trying to flush the toxins out any way it can. It's hard to feel good about doing the diet when you see your child like this.

We have been reassured it's all a normal part of the process, and is a sign that healing is taking place. However, we've been told to buckle up our seat-belts, because it can be a very shaky ride for the first month or more. The rule is that things get worse (sometimes much worse) before they get better. But there is the hope that they will get better.

We plan on seeking help because already we are already overwhelmed and are not sure quite how to best help Parker. Before we started the diet he was constantly scratching at his face and his cheeks were red and rashy. (Another clue that something he's been eating may be triggering behaviors or unrest in his body.)

A few days ago I was eating an orange and Parker was curious. He wanted to smell it. Then lick it. I asked him if he wanted to taste it. Even though he didn't, he agreed to let me juice it and he willingly drank the juice. Since then he's actually EATEN some oranges. This is a MAJOR deal. He is never, ever, interested in trying new foods. For him not to freak out about the texture and to be asking for more really impressed us. Going through the Intro diet is supposed to help "reboot" the taste buds, causing the kids to be more accepting of new tastes. This seemed like a great sign to us- even though oranges are a very advanced food and not technically allowed on the beginning of the diet, we rejoiced in the victory, rather than worrying about proceeding through the diet perfectly.

But then Parker woke up again vomiting today. He was moving his tongue around weirdly in his mouth and said it was scratchy. His cheeks were blotchy and pink. I gave him some Benadryl, worrying that he was having an allergic reaction.

Since this didn't happen the first time few times he ate oranges, I'm not sure if he has a real allergy to oranges. It seems more like this is a histamine intolerance. We deal with this to some degree with Charlotte. When you consume a lot of high histamine foods (to include oranges), your "bucket" fills up. When it's full, you get symptoms. A histamine issue is a big deal on GAPS. It means a lot more work and a lot longer generally for healing. I am groaning over here. A histamine issue is a monster.

We really need to consult some experts to figure out how to proceed. We have been asking for recommendations on the facebook group for a practitioner who specializes in working with kids like Parker. Hopefully we will find one soon and be able to speak with them. We also want to have some allergy testing and bloodwork done to determine if his vitamin/mineral levels are healthy, etc. We need to establish some sort of baseline and get some professionals on board to help us.

I hesitated about sharing all this because it's really hard to explain. I feel like people who know and love Parker either think he's A) normal, and his parents make mountains out of molehills B) a bit high strung but surely he'll grow out of it C) he's plain naughty, and this must be the result of some parenting flaw D) he's out of control E) what are you talking about? This child is brilliant.

It's hard to explain the weight of the stress level we have right now. What do you do all day? Why don't you call me back? How come you never come visit?

My days lately consist of bouncing from one tantrum to the next meltdown, spending hours in the kitchen trying to make healthy foods which my children reject, cry, whine, complain over, and eventually take 2.5 hours to eat. Planning to leave the house means cooking and packing enough food for them both. When we do leave the house, we often have to leave where we've gone due to some sort of meltdown. This is embarrassing and exhausting. They spend lots of time in detox baths to calm them down. In between I do the normal chores and enjoy the "ups" of the day- reading lots of books, doing crafts, playing, and trying to spend as much time doing positive things with the kids and enjoying the giggles and games.

When I'm through with all this, I'm exhausted. There isn't much left for anyone or anything else. It is physically and emotionally draining. I feel guilty about this, but I know my energies right now need to be focused on the health and healing of our family. But it's hard to explain this. It's easier to shrug it off and pretend it's not that big a deal. But really, it is. I think it's important for me to be honest about it so that it might help some to understand. After all, isn't this the point of our blog?

I really wonder sometimes why we struggle with such basic things as food, when I see kids around me slurping up sugary drinks laced with red-40 and eating mac & cheese. We simply aren't like that. For some reason, my children cannot do that. I've been forced to read and research, and to a certain extent, turn into a hippie health freak for the sake of our family's health. Maybe sometimes I take things too far. But it's hard to be laid back when you have the responsibility of knowing the facts. So just a request- if you aren't walking in our shoes, please try not to judge us as total wackos, and try to understand we're just trying to help our kids.

This totally depresses me that our life is so "heavy" right now. I yearn for peace, lightness, and the joy that seems to be zapped so often lately. I hope this post doesn't depress you, too! We need to get to a better place. How I love to be positive and let things go, laugh off the stressful times, and all that good stuff. But sometimes life is really HARD. But after the valleys and uphill climb there is always the refreshing and rejuvenating view of the mountaintop, right?

Above all, we need God to intervene. We desperately need His wisdom and guidance. We need the patience He gives, and the grace when we fail. I can't be responsible for "fixing" these kids or all our problems. It's way too much pressure and it's impossible. So I ask you to join me in petitioning God to do the work we cannot do. As always, we thank you for listening and loving us through this.