God Provides in Funny Ways

It's a cold winter afternoon in Maine. I am sitting on the couch, admiring our pretty Christmas tree, with 90% of its ornaments on the bottom branches, and listening to the not-napping chattering of Charlotte upstairs in her crib. CJ is at drill this weekend in Massachusetts, and I'm sure Parker is keeping his Grampa and Grammie J busy this afternoon. My master plan was to also take a nap, but that doesn't look like it's in the cards today. So I might as well update the blog a bit.

Charlotte's health has been up and down. I'm trying to figure out what she's been reacting to lately- she hasn't been herself (grumpy, not sleeping well, fussy) and she's been having diarrhea a lot. I pulled all her veggies to see what might be the culprit. So she's eating just her broth, venison, turkey, beef, and sweet potato at the moment.

I'm trying to focus more on Parker's health and we're working on getting him to eat more things. He is very stubborn and unwilling to try new foods. We borrowed a mini blender from my mom and for some reason he's happier to eat his soups in puree form. Yum. So I've been able to hide a good amount of meats, lentils, and veggies that way.

I'm 19 weeks along with Baby3! My ultrasound is tomorrow so we're all excited to "go see the baby on TV." My morning sickness seemed to taper off, but it's been back with a vengeance this weekend, so... I'll just take each day as it comes. I'm still eating GAPS foods, with sourdough bread, and sometimes sprouted grains. Hopefully this will help Baby to be as healthy as possible. Good thing ultimately God's in control and not me. Some days all I can manage is some toast and peanut butter!

I went out hunting with my brother every chance I got trying to get Charlotte a deer for our freezer. Despite my diligence, I didn't see a buck. My big belly was making it harder to waddle in the deep snow towards the end and I sat out there freezing a couple days. My friend Lori specifically asked her church for prayers that I'd be able to get a deer. Well...

Hunting with my niece Bailey and brothers Tommy and Kevin

Right before rifle season came to a close, we had to put our van into the garage. So early the next morning we all piled into the car to drive CJ to work. There we were, cruising down 111 on our way to Biddeford going 55 mph. Suddenly a huge buck ran right in front of us. CJ swerved into the other lane (thank God there was no one there, especially since we were at the top of a hill), but we couldn't avoid the collision. None of us were hurt, but the deer was not so fortunate!

While we waited for the warden to arrive, we checked out the car. The hood was smashed, and a headlight, but the bumper was still intact. The car was smoking and smelling a bit, but honestly, we thought maybe we had only injured the deer and that it probably just took off. CJ went out into the woods and ventured up the road a bit. The deer had ran up into a nearby dirt driveway and died right there. It did not suffer long, and we didn't even have to pull it out of the woods! This wasn't just a little deer- this was a 220 pound buck with a 7 point, 24-inch rack!

Tommy enviously reaches for the rack!

The state police came and asked if we wanted it. Um, yes! My brother came with his truck to clean it out for us and take it back to his house to hang. Gary came to bring CJ to work and followed us home to make sure we were alright in the car. Unfortunately we didn't have the insurance on the car to cover the damage since it's an old car and not worth very much. We're not sure how/if we can fix it, so for now we're down to just the van (which also needs major work). So we might have two bum vehicles, but we have meat in our freezer for Charlotte!

Then! Then we got a call that a hunter in our friends' hunting club had some meat to donate. When we opened up the cooler we discovered that almost an entire deer was there! I'm standing there in the kitchen suddenly wondering where we're going to put this meat (since the beef we ordered arrived and was stocked in our freezer), when I hear my phone beeping that I have a text message from CJ. God had that covered, too! "I think I found us another freezer." A woman CJ works with had a big chest freezer she wanted to get rid of, and she even delivered it to us!

I cut the deer up myself with Kevin's help in our kitchen! (Charlotte, when you're old, please never say I never did anything for you!) Hardly any meat was spoiled from the one we hit! We worked about 9 hours butchering and then had to call it a night. What a lot of work! Good thing Kevin brought my niece Bailey who was a huge help taking care of the kids! My brother even graciously offered to finish cutting it up for us, and my niece Kenadee helped. CJ helped us make up the roasts and run the hamburg through my grandparents' meat grinder. Welcome to Charlotte's Meat Market!

I am still shaking my head and laughing at the craziness of it all. Yep, God answered our prayer for meat alright-- except next time maybe we'll be a bit more specific about the method of obtaining said meat!!!

When all the stress of costs, preparing food, cooking, coaxing the kids to eat, watching them like hawks to make sure they don't eat something they shouldn't, and playing detective with their symptoms, gets to me, I have to remember God is good. He is really, really good. He has shown me He's walking this path with us in so many real and tangible ways, how can I doubt his love for us? When our patience wears thin and our energy is low, He holds us up. When we are fearful and worry, He comforts us. When we don't have, He gives. It might not be in the way we expect, but He always comes through. He keeps His promises, and He keeps us in His arms. There is nowhere I'd rather be.

I am humbled He is working through our lives and I pray that our testimony will touch the lives of people around us. It's hard to understand why we struggle with things, why life sometimes seems unfair and you can't catch a break. Why some people suffer and others do not. It's a lonely world, and who truly cares about the cares hidden in our hearts? If anything I say resonates with you let it be this- God is real, and He cares. Someday He will make all things clear to us, but for now, it really doesn't matter why Charlotte's sick. What matters is that He is working in this situation, and to Him be the glory.

Our Amazing Bake Sale

My dear friend Lori was the brains and the braun behind another amazing fund-raiser for Charlotte. She and their church, Pleasant Hill Baptist Church in Hollis hosted a beautiful bake sale in October.

My wonderful friend, Lori, who was behind all of this!

Lori made the decorations using Charlotte's favorite colors, yellow and purple! The tables in the church were decorated with flowers and balloons, and there was a cute big banner. She went above and beyond and everything looked fabulous! Everything was wrapped and packaged just so, with adorable cow and barn animal tags. She did a lot of baking herself, but friends, some of the ladies from church, neighbors, and many folks we don't even know, baked delicious and fancy treats. They even made little tea wallets and cup cozys. There was everything from homemade granola to baklava to cinnamon rolls to homemade breads to cakes and cookies. I could not believe how many goodies there were, and all all the love that was behind all that baking.

Homemade granola bars

Little tea wallets, cup cozys and coffee bags

Charlotte checks out the table decorations

Look at that spread!

Homemade granola

Bake Sale Banner and tables

Not a ton of people came that day, but the next day folks enjoyed the goodies after church. Yet still, God was generous through His people. When Lori told me, she said she'd started with a goal of $500. Pastor Brian had somewhat laughed at her and said they'd never raised money like that at a bake sale. When she told him how much was raised, over $1,000 (!!) he said this is a reminder that we can never underestimate God. Lori talked about the verse in Malachi where God says, "I will open the windows of Heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won't have enough room to take it in!" (Malachi 3:10) I love this! Jehovah Jireh, my provider!

Parker was happy to know that all the leftover baked goods were donated to a few local fire departments! (He loves fire trucks!)

"Family Helping Charlotte" Yard Sale

I mentioned previously that we had an amazing yard sale to benefit Charlotte back in October. I'm pleased to finally be able to write about it!

My Mom even made us all name tags. Charlotte proudly sticks hers on her belly.

My mom and her husband Lysle had the great idea of hosting a "Family Helping Charlotte" yard sale at their house. They worked hours and hours gathering things from their house and sorting through donations before the big day. We made up a banner and poster, had balloons, and put up signs. My mom made many kinds of cookies and muffins, my nieces made brownies, and we also got donuts to sell. We had hot coffee and tea. We had helpers move furniture and tables for us. Then there were the helpers that day- helping customers, watching the kids, and making it happen!

The day started off cloudy, but as the morning went on, the raindrops started falling. It was chilly and wet, and we had to cover up the tables with tarps. But still, the people kept coming. Once folks learned about Charlotte, they couldn't help but bring something home, and most people gave us more than we asked for. I'd like to share some of my favorite stories from that day.

One man came up to me holding a maraca in his hand, and said, "how much?" I stood there a second, thinking I should just give the old thing away- what would it be worth? Ten cents? Finally I laughed and said, "Whatever you'd like to bring it home for!" He then asked, "Nine?" In my head I'm thinking, nine cents? What? He then hands me nine dollars and walks away. Nine dollars for an old toy maraca?!

My grandmother was helping a lady with a boy who wanted to buy a toy. My grandmother asked for a dollar, and the mother gave her one. Then the little boy held out his five dollar bill to Gram. She told him, "You're all set, your mom just paid for your toy." Then he nodded and said, "I know. This is for Charlotte."

Another young man was looking at our poster that had Charlotte's photo on it which explained that she has serious digestive issues. He asked what she could eat and my grandmother told him meats and green beans. He left, and returned awhile later with three cans of green beans, as well as some things he had at his house that he said he didn't need anymore and we could sell at the yard sale. This guy might have been 20, not much older.

Even though Charlotte can't tolerate green beans anymore, we will keep those green bean cans, as a reminder of his kindness and how God worked in the hearts of people that day to give and care for us. If you come to visit us, Parker might just proudly point out those cans above our kitchen cabinets.

At the end of the day, we still had a ton of stuff left. I had no idea how much money we might have raised, so when Lysle told me I nearly fell over. We raised $940! Praise God! We are so thankful to everyone for helping us with this fund-raiser!

Charlotte's 2nd Birthday Photos

Birthday morning!

Singing "Happy Birthday"

Charlotte's "Cow Party!" Opening her new cow bag

New cow sweater knit by Grammie J was a huge hit!

Cow party snacks

She loved the purple decorations and cow balloons

I had to improvise- no birthday cake this year! I used cookie cutters to make cow and heart shaped sweet potatoes and venison! She loved it!

Party decorations

Party favors!

Recent Photos

Finally I took the time to figure out how to upload photos on here again. It always takes me way too much time- there must be an easier way!

Pregnancy kicking my butt! Napping while the kids watch their 1,000th movie!

Playing in the snow

Charley Beth!

My coloring helper! We have been working on all our thank you cards... we may get them finished in the next YEAR! Until then, if we owe you a thank you card, please know how VERY MUCH we appreciate you, your help, and prayers!

Good girl drinking up her broth!

Charlotte's "goofballs" (what she calls her meatballs! These have carrot and leek too). She likes to say, "I have lots of goofballs in my belly!"

Little goof eating her "goofballs!"

Playing picnic with Parker. Someday maybe you can eat all those foods!

My sweet girl!

One of Charlotte's sick days. Just miserable.

Charlotte

Parker

What happens when you tell them to smile!

Playing at Pumpkin Valley

Playing at Pumpkin Valley

Leaf pile fun

Love these little munchkins!

The Cost of GAPS

Many people ask me why it's so expensive to do GAPS when Charlotte eats so little food. I thought it might be helpful to explain our needs so folks will have a better idea of how choosing to do this diet has affected our family, and why we are SO grateful for the help and support we've been given.

As far as Charlotte's diet goes, right now she can eat organic, free-range turkey, organic, grass-fed beef, venison, and organic sweet potatoes. Organic turkey at the farm costs $2.99 on sale. The side of beef we ordered previously was $1,000, and the quarter we just got was almost half that. (Not buying in bulk means astronomical costs. Um, organic steak at $17.99/lb?!) The organic sweet potatoes are $4.69 a bag, which contains 4-5 sweet potatoes. To give you an idea of how much Charlotte eats- she'll easily eat her broth, a pound or more of meat, and 2-3 sweet potatoes each day.

Our food costs are also higher because Parker and I (and CJ most of the time by default) are eating "Full GAPS" meals. This means nothing processed, no grains, no sugar, and everything as clean as we can afford. There is no 99-cent box of macaroni for dinner in this house. There are no shortcuts, only preparing everything we eat (pretty much) from scratch. We rely heavily on local farms and were thankful to have a garden this past summer. Things like raw honey, coconut oil, almond flour, and other new ingredients, all cost so much. I make a lot of soups with bone broth and vegetables, which help keep costs a bit lower. Yes, it's expensive to eat this way, but our family needs to heal. My gut health is passed onto the kids, and making sure I, this baby, and Parker, also get what we need to be as healthy as possible is also a priority. And CJ! He hasn't escaped my health-nut cooking; I'm doing him a favor! His taste buds might not always agree though!

Plus, after the hours and hours (... and hours!) I've spent researching food, ingredients, the effects of foods on our bodies, brains, and health, I could not in good conscience feed my family the way I used to. I have had to learn a whole new way to cook. Everything I have been taught in health classes growing up and even in college, has been thrown out the window. Things I used to view as evil I now embrace (organic butter, high quality animal fats, salt- though now we use unprocessed sea salts). Did you know some kinds of boxed cereal actually have magnetic properties, and contain things like paint thinner? That white sugar has a similar physiological affect on the brain as cocaine? That fluoride used to be sold as rat poison? I could go on and on all day about what I've learned, but everyone must make their own choices. I only hope that feeding our family this way will set the kids (and us) up for healthier futures. And of course, we feel better!

More costs we've had since we started GAPS include getting rid of things that are potentially toxic in our home. We have replaced dozens of things- cookware (we now use glass, cast iron, stainless steel), getting rid of plastics, using safer soaps and cosmetics (Dr. Bronners for Charlotte, homemade lotions, homemade toothpaste), laundry soap, household cleaners, medicines (we use natural remedies now, homeopathic medicines, essential oils), etc. We purchased an air purifier since we're in a duplex and need to clean air coming from our smoking neighbors ($145), a water purifier to remove chemicals that hinder healing ($250). We do detox baths with epsom salts, apple cider vinegar, and baking soda. Charlotte's diapers are more expensive since we buy ones free of chlorine and other chemicals. (We've tried unsuccessfully to use cloth- she just has too many rashes. We do this some of the time, but not as much as we did with Parker, and hopefully will our next baby.) All costs like this add up. I've had to order a few books to help us along this journey too.

Then there is the cost of our supplements. Fermented cod liver oil, vitamins/minerals, fermented vegetables (since I haven't been able to keep up making my own), therapeutic strength probiotics (about $40/box), etc.

To keep in touch with our Australian doctor, it's $180 per hour, plus $70 per hour for follow up emails/calls. Insurance doesn't cover any of this. If you remember from our early posts, the medical community has little to offer us anyhow in terms of real hope for Charlotte- we'd be looking at possibly a lifetime of elemental formulas, experimental drugs, repeated scopes and biopsies, etc. Yes, insurance would cover some of this, but what kind of life would that be? We're interested in real healing. We want to heal and move on with life, not deal with this for a lifetime. So, hopefully this will be a small cost to pay for better health for Charlotte and all of us.

I hope this helps explain a little background behind why finances are tight for us. Also for those of you who don't know us well, CJ spent the past 2 1/2 years in grad school, only working part time. Then he went four months without a job this summer. Now thankfully he's employed, but let's be honest, he works at a public school. Then sprinkle in college debt and other basic expenses. I'm not complaining, just starting the facts. It's humbling to struggle to provide for your family's basic needs. But God's faithful, and we're grateful. Someday we'll be in a better position (maybe, hopefully?!) and we'll be able to be more on the giving end rather than the receiving end, and that'll feel really good. For now, we'll continue to live carefully within our means, share what we've been blessed with, make good choices, and pursue being a healthy family.

For all of you who have helped us and prayed for us, we thank you. God hears and answers our prayers, and I'm thankful He's using you all to accomplish His work here.

Long Overdue Updates

I apologize for not updating this in so long. I have been living under a rock called "morning sickness" the past few months! Things are slowly improving. Mornings are still dicey, but that's small potatoes compared to constant nausea, vomiting, and exhaustion!

Since moving into our apartment and the initial busy time of unpacking, hosting Charlotte's birthday party, and the yard sale and bake sale, not much has been accomplished otherwise! Our children have presumedly lost some brain cells watching "Wee Sing in Sillyville" and other videos countless times, while I've been sick. The autumn leaves have come and gone, and the deep chill of winter is starting to set in. I can hardly believe we'll celebrate Thanksgiving next week, and then we'll launch into the Christmas festivities.

We've been on the GAPS journey for nearly nine months now. Charlotte's been -mostly- stable. I have not been able to pay as much attention to her supplements, etc. as we've been functioning in survival mode. She is mainly eating beef, turkey, venison, and sweet potatoes. She has been tolerating leek and celery boiled along with her broth.

We have tried carrots and they seem to be agreeing with her although she will hardly ever eat them. I have trouble figuring out whether she avoids foods that bother her tummy or whether she doesn't like the taste or texture. I'm not pushing it, but continuing to offer them to her. We trialed carrots quite a few times since starting GAPS, and each previous time they made her immediately react. This time she isn't getting any outward signs of intolerance and the carrots haven't kept her up at night in pain. So that's progress! I have to remind myself of these little victories.

We have been juggling Charlotte's foods also, which has been complicating things. We ran out of her beef about a month ago and have been waiting to get some that we ordered from a family friend. The local farm we've purchased from before has been out of beef too. We were given about 15 packages of mule deer, whitetail deer, and moose meat from my stepdad's cousin who is a big hunter. While this has been a helpful interim, she is also reacting mildly to the moose and mule deer. I have had to ignore some of her mild reactions simply because we don't have another safer option right now. We have been told that if she is showing reactions through her skin that is an indicator of the internal inflammation we can't see. It's best to avoid things like this, but some times you just have to do the best you can. I am thankful she is only having skin reactions and irritability rather than sleepless nights, but still, I'll be glad when we have her safe standbys!

My brother has been so generous at sharing their venison. Not only is that a safe food for her, but it's her absolute favorite! I really think she loves Uncle Kevin so much because she knows he gives her deer meat! Every time I see him I don't mention anything, but he will give us a few more packages just in the nick of time when we need meat for Charlotte. As often as I can, I've been out hunting with Kevin trying to get a deer for our freezer. I have been trying to go out on Saturdays and some afternoons when Kevin gets out of work. One of my nieces got her deer opening day, which has been perfect because she loaned me her hunting gear and she's been watching the kids at their house so I can hunt! Talk about a blessing! I took the safety course a few months ago, so this is my first year going out. Kevin has a lot of land and he's been great about getting me more comfortable hunting. We have jumped some walking in and out, and I had a great opportunity to get a doe, but I don't have a doe permit. I'm still waiting (and praying for!) a nice big buck!

Even tonight we used the very last package of meat and I got a message from my cousin who found a bunch of deer meat in her deep freezer that they didn't want. I went right over to pick it up. God is really, really good. He provides what we need, when we need it. I am just so in awe of this lately. Even with little things- our van's been needing an oil change and our engine light came on the other day. While visiting CJ's grandparents, his grandpa asked if we would like a free oil change coupon he found. These little tokens of generosity are speaking to my overwhelmed heart, reminding me over and over of God's reassuring presence and love for us.

Parker's behavior and attitude have been very challenging lately. This has been all consuming. I will leave it at that. We would appreciate prayers about this- and for wisdom, patience, and energy to deal with this. I trust God will help me through all things, and this just goes to show me how much I do NEED God to help me. Even reading over this blog post, I can tell I'm not as chipper as I should be. I just feel totally spent lately- like I'm bobbing in the water, clinging to my buoy (Christ). The waters have been rough!

CJ's job is going very well, and as he tells everyone, he's "not bored!" I think the school is a good fit for him. He is continuing to do drill weekends with the Marines in Massachusetts and look into more opportunities with the Reserves.

I'm thankful for my healthy pregnancy- Baby has been very active and his/her heartbeat has been nice and strong. I am excited about the midwife practice I'm going to. My belly is "popping" and I'm enjoying feeling my littlest one wiggling about. I'm 17.5 weeks, so time is passing! Baby is about 5 inches now. We have our big ultrasound scheduled for the beginning of December, but we're hoping to keep the gender a mystery till he/she is born. Now to decide on some names- Parker has lots of suggestions, including "Achan" (one of the spies who went to Jerico) or "Sneaky." He's convinced it's a boy, and so is CJ. My guess is girl, but I'm not sure I can trust my instincts since I was wrong with both Parker and Charlotte! :)

We are all settled into our new apartment (aside from hanging some pictures and organizing the tornado-like attic!) We had to invest in a new water filter called a Berkey to eliminate the gunk in our town water (fluoride, chlorine, etc) that Charlotte is not supposed to have. We also had to get an air purifier and had the landlord change our air filters. Our duplex neighbors are smokers and we had an issue of smoke transferring in here through our heat vents. Thankfully we have not had any more problems with that since. The first month we lived here the kids and I were constantly waking up at night coughing. The night after using the purifier and having the vents cleaned we slept without a tickle in our throats. Trying to cut down on all the environmental toxins is one way we can really support Charlotte's system- since the less work her body is doing processing and try to get rid of these toxins, the more her body can focus on healing and digesting her food properly. Things like water and air quality might not seem like a big deal, but to someone as sensitive as Charlotte, they truly are. I'm grateful we had the funding to be able to purchase these things.

We're enjoying being near family and having some folks to call upon when we need a visit or some help. I've made some pitiful pleas lately and my mom and Judy have been quick to rescue me with kid help, errand-running, even washing my dishes, etc! We've even had friends bring CJ dinner! (Poor guy hasn't had much in the line of home-cooked meals lately!) We have met some great new friends through the homeschool group I joined and have been enjoying some playdates with like-minded Christian friends. Parker and Charlotte love their cousin-time, and library storytime too. We're slowly getting into a routine. I'd like to get going on some more homeschool activities but thus far motivation has not = energy levels!

We have been collecting things for our Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes. The kids have helped me fill them with things they might like to get. As Christmas nears we're trying hard to get them focused on others and giving vs. getting. I am making Jesse Tree ornaments to do an Advent calendar with them this year. Each day up till Christmas they get to open a new ornament and we will read Scriptures that will take them from the Creation of the world up through Jesus' birth. It's been humbling to be on the receiving end so often lately, and I wish I had more time/energy/resources to give back. I hope the kids will realize the joy of giving and be appreciative of all we are blessed with!

I still need to upload photos and share about the AMAZING fund-raisers we had. But I'll have to save that for another day! I have about 30 thank you cards also waiting to be written out. We just cannot express how grateful we are for God's provision, grace, and the beautiful hearts of folks who have been so kind to help us, pray for us, and encourage us through all of this. We have so much to be thankful for!