Some Thoughts

I made CJ and some guests some chocolate chip cookies the other day and ever since I have an unsatisfied craving for cookies. I think that should count as some form of cruel and unusual punishment! Most anyone who knows me knows that I have a sweet tooth. Before GAPS, I would NEVER, EVER have thought of giving up my delicious homemade bread. Chocolate surely deserved its own place in the food pyramid. Pouring a bowl of cereal in the morning was thoughtless routine. Baking cookies in the kitchen with Parker was a favorite activity.

GAPS has been challenging for me because I have had to give up pretty much every food vice. Even Charlotte's latest allergies have cut out my last "comfort foods." (Frozen banana with peanut butter or walnuts and dates). GAPS has been interesting because it has forced me to rethink how I eat. It is indeed a lifestyle change.

I dare you to name a social event where food is not involved. We are accustomed to eating only what we like, avoiding what we don't like, eating when we feel like it, because we deserve it, because it tastes good, what is easy and convenient, when we are with other people, at all and every occasion, and to go along with every mood. I always felt badly for the people in the Bible who lived on manna for so long. How tedious. How boring. Yes, God met their need, but... There is so much joy to be had in eating and cooking.

The only reason I am able to do GAPS is because I realize it's not about me. Like most mothers, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help my child be healthy. And because God is showing me that manna IS enough. Food is meant to nourish and sustain. It is not meant to fulfill all those other purposes. I have healthy foods, and I will eat them instead of focusing on what I'd rather have instead. And I'll be thankful. And I won't be a baby. And I won't feel sorry for myself. And hopefully through this Charlotte will heal and will someday have the freedom to choose what she wants to eat.

This is teaching me about saying no to myself and what I want. I had pretty much zero self-control when it came to eating before. Now those cookies on the table tempt me, but not enough to eat. One selfish act like that could (I have no idea how much, but the potential is there) set Charlotte back a lot. We've worked too hard to do something dumb like that. In that light, it's easy to say no. (Well, not really, but I'm able to say no, which shows a lot more willpower than I had before!) And learning to deny self is a good life lesson for anyone.

I'm glad I've been forced to investigate what we eat. The things I've learned are pretty mind-boggling. I will do my best to teach our kids how to eat clean, wholesome foods. When you can't take shortcuts, and there are little conveniences, it makes one more appreciative of the work that goes into putting food on the table. We are learning that life doesn't have to revolve around food. We can have fun without a cupcake. We can watch a movie without popcorn. We don't have to drown our sorrows in a cardboard tub of ice cream.

I hope it'll all be worth it- from gagging down fermented cod liver oil to singing the Winnie the Pooh theme song for the 100th time trying to coax Charlotte into drink her broth... I hope it's all worth it. I hope we start seeing some great gains soon to encourage us along the way. Your prayers certainly help us not to feel so alone. I'm glad we have folks who love us and pray for us and not just think we're loons because we're on that "weird" diet! Thank you for trying to understand and help us through this.

Okay, just a little aside I have been thinking about!

In other news, Charlotte licked the bubble wand two days in a row, thus we are now dealing with diaper rashes and upset tummy! See, sometimes you just can't control everything! In the future, we'll be careful not to let her get ahold of these. Even when she can't hold the wand she tries to pop the bubbles with her hands and then she will lick them... Poor, deprived child!

Yesterday I made homemade wipes, Desitin-like diaper cream (good thing I did! We needed it! And now I know it works!), and whipped body butter. Parker is in love with the body butter because he loves the smell of the cocoa butter (it smells like chocolate)! I kept catching him licking his hands! I have many things on my "to make" list but all of this takes time! I think I ought to have a party to make some things together.